


forget-me-nots (you're here, that's all i need)

by practically_paige



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, a consistent update schedule? don’t know her, absolutely no projection of the authors severe anxiety onto yukina no sir not here, can you tell im projecting trauma on the characters? yeah, friends to lovers to exs with a lot of sexual tension to lovers again???, genuinely i think everyone here just needs therapy, god theyre just so stupid and gay and filled with emotional trauma huh, honestly with the way this fic is going she might, i really did not think this fic would take off like it did, sayo could probably kill a man and i’d let her, yall are all suckers for pain too huh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-08 03:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21469306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/practically_paige/pseuds/practically_paige
Summary: A breakup leads to many changes. Relationship statuses. Locks. Even addresses. But you never really think about the lesser known ones until it's too late.Something that Imai Lisa had learned in twenty-two years of experience was that there were rarely any pleasant reasons for a cell phone ringing at two A.M.Then again, a doctor on the other end telling her that her ex still had her listed as her emergency contact was a little worse than what she normally dealt with.
Relationships: Imai Lisa/Minato Yukina, Maruyama Aya/Shirasagi Chisato, Okusawa Misaki/Tsurumaki Kokoro
Comments: 47
Kudos: 192





	1. 001. Ready or Not

Something that Imai Lisa had learned in twenty-two years of experience was that there were rarely any pleasant reasons for a cell phone ringing at two A.M. 

Years of late nights on the town, of drinking (although mainly watching others drink) too much, of driving cars like a maniac hoping that no one saw so she could make it before anything worse happened, the brunette's "mom-friend" energy often made her the go-to for those early morning SOS calls. It wasn't as if she particularly minded, really. Better everyone be safe and her to be a little more tired, her smile a little more forced, than to sleep through the night for the once. It was just that it really was a pretty constant occurrence in her life. Though she'd personally finished university a semester previously, she felt like she was still at one party or another every weekend, trying to keep guys out of her shirt and Ako from falling over at the same time. 

It was whatever, though. She was used to it. 

But the thing about being used to something is that you don't expect it to change. It's supposed to be a constant. There wasn't supposed to be anything more to running on four hours of sleep (if she was lucky) every Friday than getting Moca's vomit on her new shoes. That was all that she'd ever signed up for, and she was honest with herself, the brunette could barely handle that without constantly feeling like she's about to snap at someone. 

So when her cell phone rang at 2:37 A.M. that Friday night, all Lisa felt was annoyed. 

Smacking the desk too hard, she winced as she fumbled without opening her eyes for the source of the ring. Her bed was so warm, and she didn't exactly feel like leaving. Jesus Christ, didn't Ako ever have other friends? Why didn't she bother Rinko like she used to how many years ago and let Lisa get a full eight hours for once in her life. Finding the cool metal, she slid open the bar and held the phone as far away from her ear as she could, fully expecting to hear the blast from cheap speakers blasting in the background. 

"Hello?" Lisa grumbled into the phone, more unkindly than she meant, but no one's their best at this hour. 

"Is this Ms. Imai?" 

It's a male voice. A polite, older male voice, probably closer to her father's age. There's nothing in the background, either, no music or teenage-angst-filled yelling. It's quiet, except for the soft beeping of an unknown machine in the background. 

This isn't right. 

Where's Ako, already on her fourth shot, calling to tell her some boy's groped her ass again? What's Moca doing and why isn't she slurring on the other end, trying to get Lisa to come to this bar or the other. Hell, she'd even take Hina sobbing on the other end about whatever break-up she'd had this time.

"Yes... this is she..." She rubs the sleepiness out of her eyes and sits up, moving the phone closer to her ear.

On the other side of the bed, a shape stirs and luminescent green eyes blink at her, angrily. She's going to catch hell for disturbing the cat later, she knows, but shoes the angry tabby off her bed, wondering why she even kept the kitten when it fell into her lap. 

"Hello, Ms. Imai. This is Dr. Takahashi. I apologize for disturbing you in the middle of the night, but there's been a bit of a... situation.." This isn't right. "I felt it was better to call right away." A... situation. What does that even mean? Her thoughts race around like wild, while the strange man on the other side of the phone continues to speak like he's not frightening her in the slightest. "I should add, no one is dying tonight, not if we here can help it. I wouldn't have even called you if this was a normal situation, since I see here in the file that you're quite young to shoulder this responsibility, but there wasn't anyone else... not without involving all the press and having the paparazzi crowding around us." D.... she's not even listening, too busy panicking about why a doctor's calling her and what happened and why aren't any of the other girls calling, she has to pick them up, she has to leave, and then-

"Did you know that you're listed as Miss Minato Yukina's emergency contact?"

_ ...  _

When Lisa was younger, she used to have dreams where about flying in the stars. She would be soaring through constellations and galaxies, out where no one could touch her or tell her she wasn't good enough for them, when suddenly, she'd be falling. The brunette would wake up in bed, her whole body shuddering as if it had really just struck the ground. 

Hearing Yukina's name felt like falling out of the sky. 

She was hitting water, now, and everything she'd spent five years repressing, five years moving on from, five years trying to pick up her broken pieces... all the memories were threatening to drown her. And there was this doctor, calling her, and it was 2:45 in the morning, and she was going to slip beneath the waves.

"That's impossible." Lisa's voice is stronger than she expected it to be. "I haven't talked to Yu... to Miss Minato... in over five years. Your file must be out-of-date." She should hang up now, before the ocean froze her. 

There was the sound of flipping pages on the other end, as if the doctor was attempting to prove he'd been thorough with his search. "I apologize, Miss Imai." He didn't sound sorry. He didn't sound like anything at all. Lisa had never heard such a neutral tone before. "Perhaps Miss Minato did not update her files, or thought that you would still be the most responsible if something were to happen to her. Unfortunately, she has not listed anyone else. There's no current contact information for any of her relatives, and we are only allowed to disclose information to those listed in this file." 

This isn't right, and she's going to drown, here, in her bed, and for Christ's sake, can this god forsaken cat stop meowing for one second? Lisa can barely keep her breathing steady at this point, and she fleetingly hopes that one of her flatmates might hear her hyperventilating and come help. 

"I..." Lisa starts, not even sure where she's going with the statement. There aren't words. Why is there a doctor calling her, of all people, and why didn't Yukina update the record...? She has parents, doesn't she? Last time Lisa saw the singer, she certainly wasn't orphaned. Why aren't they being awoken in the middle of the night? Why is it her? There's no way...

"What... what happened....?" The sound that comes out is a ghost of her voice, and she swallows in attempts to soothe her dry throat. She doesn't think she's breathed deeply since the conversation started.

_ Don't tell me. Please. I don't want to know. I don't want to know anything about Minato Yukina ever again.  _

_ Please................................................... tell me she's okay. _

"As I said, there was... an incident. I am not at liberty to release all the details over the phone, and am hesitant to do so even if I could. With celebrity matters such as these, you never know who could be listening in. Would it be possible for you to come to the hospital? I will send you the address." Another flat response. It's as if he's giving her an update on the weather, and not on her... well, whatever Yukina is to her, now. 

"N... now?" It's 3:00 A.M. Christ. Why is it that early? Why isn't she at a party? Why didn't someone call her first so she could have missed this phone call? The doctor makes an affirmative noise on the other end of the phone as she winces at the last thought. No one else listed... Yukina's alone, then. 

_ Isn't that what you wanted? _

_ Isn't that what you were afraid of being without her? _

"I'll get dressed. Send me the address." She hangs up the phone, probably before the doctor on the other end was ready for. 

When she picks up her car keys and wallet, she notices the cat has settled comfortably into the spot she just vacated and is purring contently. Stupid thing. Lisa wondered briefly if she should bring it. It would be the first time in half a decade that the cat would see its actual owner, after all. Still where she put it down to change, her phone chimes with the sound of an incoming text. That would be the address. 

This isn't right...

_ Ready or not. _


	2. 002. Here I Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bitches (me) see a chance to not update for almost a year and say "is anyone gonna take this?" and then not wait for an answer. whoopsie!
> 
> i am so, so sorry this took so long. life has been long and crazy and stressful. i have definitely not had the greatest year ever, but i am finally back and hoping to actually make so progress on this fic! as a fair warning, i have not had a phone capable of loading the game in quite a while, so it is very possible that some of this is contradictory o canon in regards to backstory and family stuff. sorry about that in advance! 
> 
> thank you all so much for your comments and support over the almost year! i was super excited to see how popular this idea was, and i hope this was worth waiting for. gonna try to update at least bimonthly, so i'll see you in about two weeks with the next chapter... and it's gonna be juicy!

**002\. here i come**

“What the FUCK, man?!”

The speakers on Lisa's beat-up Volkswagen Beetle released more static than her friend's actual statement, but the tone was evident to Lisa, who was currently involved in what was probably the wildest road-trip conversation that she at least had ever been a part of. In all fairness to the brunette, she wasn't particularly in the habit of making group phone calls to her friends at 3:17 in the morning. Still, she supposed that statement was probably warranted. "Fuck" was probably the closest thing she'd felt to an actual emotion for about an hour now. 

"Misaki." Another voice, Saaya's from the sound of it, chided. The younger girl sounded a little too perky for so early in the morning, but she supposed the hours at the bakery had her significantly better adapted than Misaki, who, on an ideal day, would probably never actually wake up. "Calm down. I don't think Lisa called us to get her more upset than she probably already is."

There was some grumbling from the ex-DJ's side, but no other commentary from her. Saaya quieted as well, her piece being said. The few other people on the phone call appeared to be holding their breath, waiting for their normally-unflappable leader's opinion. Unfortunately for them, Lisa was most definitely 'flapped'. The closer she got to the hospital, the more her heart pounded. She had never found herself wishing for a speed limit to be lower before, but there was a first time for everything. 

"I-”  _ I... what? Are there even words for this situation? Oh, no big deal, just somehow still the emergency contact for my ex-best-friend-bandmate-girlfriend-whatever-she-was that I haven't seen since... well, for five years. Yep, I’m totally fine. Same shit as always. _

_ … _ Yeah, she wasn't even buying it inside her head.

"Um... Lis? You doing alright? I know that it's probably... a lot... all things considering..." Himari's tone was similar to the one you might adopt trying to console a wild animal. 

Her friend's concern was touching, but it succeeded in irking the latter further. It wasn't as if she wasn't capable of seeing Yukina again. It was just... she didn't want to! "Fine." Lisa snapped a little more forcefully than she meant to, and then sighed. "Sorry, Mari. It's just... like, what's even happening… Why am I even going?" 

Another pause. Another awkward sentence. Another question the misfit group had no answer for. 

"I mean," Misaki coughed a little awkwardly. "You don't  _ have  _ to. Technically speaking. They can't, like, force you-  **OW!** " The yelp at the end coupled with a smacking noise indicated her girlfriend's presence on the other end of the line. Lisa almost chuckled at that. Leave it to Misaki to wake Kokoro up in a house their size. "Alright. Ignore that. Kokoro says you have to go." 

There was a snicker all around the group, which Lisa joined, trying to get her body to stop shaking. Just breathe. Focus on the moment. She tried doing the four-count breathing exercise that her therapist had prescribed to her the last time she'd made an appointment, although she'd honestly never found it to be completely helpful. 

"I mean, she is already almost there. It's a little late to turn but now. Plus, what sort of asshole wouldn’t even show up if they were the emergency contact?" Chisato asked, as Lisa flipped an illegal u-turn, realizing she'd started down the wrong street. 

"Moca." Both the driver and Himari answered simultaneously. Their... roommate… for lack of a better term was many things, but a dedicated friend was not always one of them. There was a reason that she was not on the call. There was also a reason that she was currently crashing on Lisa and Himari's couch and not actually paying rent for the place. Being an emergency contact for anyone would absolutely classify as something over her pay grade. The girls shared another laugh, although this time the brunette didn't join. She had just pulled into what looked to be one of the fanciest hospitals she'd ever seen. 

_ Well, if Yukina's in any hospital... it would certainly have to be this one, wouldn't it? _

The thoughts were bitter, and Lisa had to shake herself to keep them from drowning her. It had taken her years to get rid of the bitter taste. She wasn't going to let one night ruin all her forward progress. Pulling into a parking spot, Lisa pulled her trembling foot off the gas, turned off the car, and put her phone back to her ear.

"The hospital's insane... it's got to have..." She counted, craning her body to try and get the whole building in view of her mirror, "Nine or ten floors at least..." 

Saaya whistled appreciatively, while Himari chimed in at the same time. "Big doesn't even begin to cover it. I looked up the address online, and this place is massive! It's apparently one of the top hospitals in the world. Wonder what Miss Priss did to get herself in there…” She trailed off in thought. 

There was another laul in the conversation at that one. Lisa was sure all of them had been thinking that. There were many reasons that all the girls on the line had to hold grudges against their old… well, if not friend in every case, then at least acquaintance. But… an emergency call if different. When Lisa had spent her nights crying into the pillow, wishing for Yukina to hurt just as much as she did, she hadn’t really meant it… as awful as the girl had the potential to be at times, Lisa (although she didn’t often like to remember them) had fond memories of all the times they’d shared before she’d… changed. 

Misaki tried to lighten the mood. “Maybe someone kicked her ass… Lord knows I would have liked t- OW!” There was a smacking sound on the phone that indicated her girlfriend’s continued presence. “Koko, I was KIDDING!” 

Maybe… maybe… there were too many maybes… that was the problem. Maybe this was all a big practical joke. Maybe she was still dreaming. Maybe God Himself was sitting up there somewhere laughing at the absolute abysmal pit that was her life. 

_ Maybe Yukina still loves- _

No. Not even thinking that. 

Lisa suddenly realized that she’d been clutching the steering wheel of her car continuously, despite being parked. She relaxed her hands, trying to shake off the cramps now ensuing, and took the keys out ignition. The call immediately switched off of the car speakers, sending Lisa scrambling for her phone before the conversation could get anything further out of hand while she had been lost in her thoughts. 

“- what she said.” Misaki seemed to be mumbling over a comment Chisato had made wondering facetiously whether or not Yukina could ask the doctor to remove the ‘stick up her ass’ while she was at the hospital. It didn’t exactly do much to help, but Lisa did have to admit that she was grateful to remember that her friends were on her side in all this. It had been five years since any of them had seen the gray-haired girl, after all. She had abandoned them just as much as she had Lisa. 

As much as she wanted to stay on this call forever, to never walk through those double doors, the brunette knew that there was no more time left. Ready or not, she had to go in. For her own sake, as much as Yukina’s. If Lisa left now, she somehow knew that it would be the end. What was it her therapist always said? Something about needing closure? 

Well. Here was closure, alright. All she had to do was march in there, give the doctor’s a different contact, and she would be home free, right? Maybe she wouldn’t even have to see Yukina. Maybe they wouldn’t let her see her. 

Lisa winced at that one. What she went through sucked, but… she didn’t want Yukina to be hurt. No one deserved to be hurt. 

“Hey guys,” She spoke over the bickering between Himari and Chisato that had begun over whether or not Yukina’s latest album had been ‘boring’ or ‘eccentric’, shutting them both up immediately. “I gotta go in now, I guess… I’ll…” Lisa stepped out of the car door, holding her phone to her ear in one hand and locking the car door with her keys with the other. “... call you once I know what’s going on, I guess.” 

Without waiting for a response (her heart wouldn’t have been able to take it, anyway), Lisa hung up and slipped the phone into the back pocket of her jean skirt. For almost four A.M., the brunette didn’t look half bad. It was almost an old habit, dealing with Yukina. The last few months of their relationship had been so… well. Lisa couldn’t step out of the house without the paparazzi latching onto her. It had become second-nature for her, putting on something that would look good next to Yukina. Her girlfriend had never asked what that took out of her… maybe she hadn’t even noticed. Lisa wouldn’t have been surprised. 

Her shoes clicked softly over the smooth asphalt of the parking lot as she walked at a… reasonable… pace towards the building. The brunette let out a low whistle. Himari hadn’t been kidding when she said the place was massive. Lisa counted ten stories upwards… and that wasn’t even including the floors that might be below the ground level. Walking into this place felt something akin to storming a castle; she wouldn’t have wanted to attempt it with an army, and here she was alone. 

Alone except for…

… and she was in there, somewhere. In that castl- hospital. It was a hospital. Lisa had to stop thinking about palaces and fairy tales. It reminded her too much of the old days… but the memories came flooding back, all the same. 

_ “ROARRRR!” Lisa yelled, leaping onto the staircase landing with heavier footsteps than usual. She stomped downwards, towards the kitchen, with a hand firmly grasping the banister for safety. The cape she wore was long, and her mother had told her specifically not to trip and fall while they were playing. ‘I’m not patching up another one of your school uniforms for you girls to play horses or whatever’. Lisa had rolled her eyes at that. She could sew, too! Well, just the little things for now… she was only seven, after all, but Mom had told her that she’d let her use the sewing machine soon. “Where are you, prin-” _

_ She cut herself off when she caught sight of Yukina sitting on the landing, looking at something in the sitting room to the left. “Yukiiiii….” Lisa whined, pitch changing back to normal. “You were supposed to hideee…”  _

_ The other girl was never very good at playing these sorts of games. For such a focused child, she always got distracted. That was okay, though. She was still lots more fun than most of Lisa’s friends… and Lisa knew the other girl didn’t have many other people, either.  _

_ Yukina had never told her that, of course, but it was the kind of thing she didn’t have to say. Best friends just knew.  _

_ The gray-haired girl’s focus was on the instrument that hung on the wall to the family room. It was a child’s bass, not anything special, but Yukina always gravitated towards it like a planet to the sun. “Can we play again, Lisa?” Her eyes were round like they always were when they thought about music.  _

_ “Hmph.” The brunette huffed playfully, but her heart wasn’t in it. She took the bass down from it’s special stand carefully and strummed a few notes. “You know I don’t know much at all yet.” She teased the smaller girl. “You just want to sing.”  _

_ The problem really, Lisa thought, was that Yukina was always so serious. She could never pick up on a joke. “I do want to sing…” The other girl said, breathlessly, causing her friend to roll her eyes. “But I want you to play, too. It sounds best when we’re both singing together…” That was as close as she got to a request, really. It was always just shy of being real, with Yukina. You had to learn how she spoke, what she meant underneath the surface.  _

_ “It sounds best…” Sing with me, Lisa.  _

Enough. 

Dazed, Lisa pulled herself out of the memory, almost tumbling over the curb to the hospital. She was at the entrance now, having covered the parking lot in its entirety while absorbed in her daydreams. That had been so long ago, back when they were kids. Decades, almost. It was then. Then had to stay then, because it wasn’t now. There was no singing now, and Lisa couldn’t remember the last time she’d picked up her base. What had been a past-time in childhood was a luxury now. 

In the end, all those dreams didn’t pay the bills. 

All they were good for was forgetting about the life you had right now. 

It had taken five years, but Lisa’s life was good. There wasn’t the need for dreams, not like the ones they had had back then. It was a little cramped, a little crazy, a little sad… but it was hers, not Yukina’s. She had made her own life, without the other girl… and Lisa sure as hell wasn’t going to let all of that go because of one phone call. 

The doors of the hospital slid open automatically as she reached the entrance, beckoning her inside. 

_ … here I come.  _


	3. 003. It All Comes Crumbling Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW:** This chapter references a car crash! It is not talked about in detail, but please stay safe! I’ve written the chapter so that it can be avoided. If you would like to, please skip from the paragraph that starts with
> 
> “Lisa found herself clutching the end of her shirt tightly”
> 
> to “The two of them had continued walking, without Lisa realizing it.” if you’d like to avoid any description of the accident! I love you all, and please stay safe! You’re more than able to understand the plot without needing to read this part, and your health is more important than anything I could write!

003\. **it all comes crumbling down **

Lisa couldn’t remember the last time she had been in a hospital. 

Maybe that meant her life had been great or blessed or something. She wasn’t sure. The brunette sure as hell didn’t feel like that was the case. As her therapist said… okay, she had actually quoted that woman entirely too much tonight already.  _ Come on, Lis… _ She inwardly chided herself.  _ Now, it’s just getting sad. _

It wasn’t entirely her fault that the nerves persisted. Lisa had assumed that getting a call this early in the morning had meant some kind of an emergency. Clearly, she and whatever doctor was seeing Yukina had different levels of what they considered to be ‘emergencies’, seeing as she’d been waiting in the lobby for over an hour now. The very nice nurse at the desk had taken her name and told her to have a seat in the waiting room, and that someone would be out to see her shortly… whatever that meant. 

Her legs shook as she sat there waiting, phone screen the only company she had. Although, “company” was a strong word. As much as she knew that her friends would have stayed up with her, Lisa didn’t want them all to be sleep deprived. She’d shot a quick text to Ako (which hadn’t been opened yet) explaining what had happened, so the other girl knew that she’d have to call Rinko if she needed a ride home from a party. Otherwise, she’d just been scrolling through Instagram, trying to distract herself with anyone else’s lives she could find instead of her own.

As she looked at the screen, a notification flashed up through her phone with a new text message. Lisa’s face broke out into a smile, a real one. This had to be the only time that time zones worked in her favor. 

**Sayo Hikawa ** _ 4:48 A.M.  _

Imai-san, are you alright? Hina called me in class… I missed the phone call, but she left a… confusing voicemail. Something about you and… well. Is everything alright?

The honorific made Lisa chuckle a bit, despite everything. Same old Sayo. You’d think after this many years, she still might have been  _ slightly  _ less formal, but it was almost reliving in some ways, too. So much had changed over the years since the band had disbanded. It was nice to see someone staying consistent. 

**Lisa Imai** _4:49 A.M._

hey!! how was class?? how’s new york treating you?? still same old same old?

She was very much interested in the class Sayo had gone to. Absolutely. No deflecting the circumstances she was currently in here. Not her. If there was one thing Lisa knew how to handle, it was big life events. Clutching the phone a little tighter, the brunette’s green eyes never left the screen as her friend typed the reply. Never before had she been so happy for the almost a day’s time difference, but it was relieving that she had at least one person that Lisa wouldn’t be keeping from sleep tonight. 

**Sayo Hikawa ** _ 4:51 A.M. _

Class was the same. New York is the same. Seeing as you did not answer my questions, I can only assume you’re deflecting about something. What on Earth is going on there?

There was a brief pause, before another text. 

**Sayo Hikawa ** _ 4:51 A.M. _

Is Minato-san attempting to pursue you again?

Without realizing it, a blush crept onto the brunette’s face. Lisa wished the other girl wasn’t quite so formal about Yukina. It was over between them, sure, but it wasn’t as if Sayo was speaking about a stranger. For God’s sake, Sayo had been almost as close to her ex as she was, although granted in a much different way. Quickly, she tried to explain the situation.

**Lisa Imai** _4:54 A.M._

god no! christ sayo, nothing like that. idek what’s going on… i just got a call from the hospital saying that yukina still had me listed as her emergency contact. im sure its just a big misunderstanding. she only did that when her parents moved away, after all. i just need to get them to change it back and then ill be out of here and back home pronto. 

**Sayo Hikawa ** _ 4:56 A.M. _

I see. 

**Sayo Hikawa ** _ 4:57 A.M. _

:/

**Lisa Imai** laughed at a message.  _ 4:57 A.M. _

**Lisa Imai** _4:58 A.M._

didn’t know u used emotes like that sayo! did hina show u?? 

**Sayo Hikawa ** _ 5:00 A.M. _

Apologies. Did I use it wrong? I did not know how else to display my disgust at this situation. 

Lisa snickered, reading the text. For as reserved as Sayo tended to come across, the brunette would bet money that she was probably more angry at Yukina on Lisa’s behalf than Lisa herself. Truthfully, the gray-haired girl should probably count herself lucky that the guitarist was doing a semester at Juilliard. Otherwise, she was fairly sure that Yukina would need a much more urgent stay at the hospital, once Sayo got through with her. 

Another message flashed up, reminding Lisa that she hadn’t responded. 

**Sayo Hikawa ** _ 5:05 A.M. _

Do you need me to fly back home? I’m not very attached to NY, but I am very attached to the idea of telling Yukina to (for lack of a better term)... ‘fuck off’. 

**Lisa Imai** loved a message.  _ 5:06 A.M. _

Before she could finish her response to her friend, however, Lisa was interrupted by the sound of a door opening and heels clicking towards her. The brunette looked up and had to quickly stifle a groan. The young woman walking towards her was someone that she had never hoped to lay eyes on again. Unfortunately, just like the rest of this horrible night, the universe seemed to ignore what Lisa wanted. 

Tsukiko Hanamura was not Lisa’s favorite person. 

Realistically speaking, the young woman was probably very  _ few  _ people’s favorite person. The brunette was not in a habit of being unfair, but even she couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety that crept up seeing Tsuki enter the waiting room. It was a shame that the other woman tended to have this effect on people, really. Tsukiko, barely older than Yukina and Lisa, was one of the best agents in the business. Unfortunately, that ‘business’ wasn’t exactly known for creating… likeable… individuals. The ex-bassist had no doubt that Ms. Hanamura was probably a lovely person under the surface… 

… if, of course, you could get over the fact that she was also the Webster’s definition for the term ‘hardass’. 

“Imai-san.” Tsuki’s heels clicked in perfect unison with her crisp alto voice as she approached Lisa. Although still shorter than the brunette, the agent’s aura tended to make her seem a lot taller than the five feet she actually stood at. Briefly, Lisa wondered why the other woman didn’t invest in taller heels, but the thought quickly left her mind. There were more pressing issues at hand, obviously. 

“Hanamura-san.” Lisa wasn’t really in the habit of using honorifics, but she had long since learned that Tsuki wasn’t someone to come across as informal with. The brunette stood up from her seat, shoving her phone into her purse quickly to avoid anyone seeing her half finished reply to Sayo about kicking Yukina’s ass. She shifted her weight back and forth between her feet, trying to get the nerves out of her body. Where even to begin. “Um–”

“Kind of you to come on short notice. Thank you for your time.” As always, Tsuki appeared to be reading from a prepared script, even though this was a live conversation. Lisa had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. The other woman started walking back towards the wing’s entry, leaving the brunette to scramble to catch up. That was the trouble with Hanamura; she often forgot that people couldn’t just read her mind. “As you can see… less than fortunate events have occurred.” 

_ Less than fortunate?  _ Was that all this woman had to say? Lisa wanted answers, but Tsuki was never one to get right to the point. 

“Yes, um, well–”

“However, we are fortunate enough that things are at least salvageable. If this tour would have had to be canceled completely, the sponsors would have been at our throats. Thankfully, as it looks, we will be able to postpone it until Yuki– Minato-san– has………. recovered.” 

“R-“ 

There was no getting a word in edgewise. “Yes, thankfully, the sponsors should understand. The accident was not her blame, thankfully, and it happened off of the record label’s premise and away from the concert venue, so they’ll be no need to worry about—“

Lisa coughed, loudly. It was the only way to get the other woman to stop talking long enough to interject. “Um… what accident? What the hell’s going on?” 

This did seem to make the other girl pause. “Ah. The front desk did not fill you in, then. A shame… I told them to give you the proper documentation.” 

The ex-bassist raised an eyebrow. “Documentation for what? Tsuki,” Without meaning too, Lisa slipped into old habits. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m just here to give you someone else’s number to contact. I don’t know why Yukina never changed it, but I haven’t spoken to her in almost half a decade… I can promise you, she does  _ not _ want me here.” 

The dark-haired woman stared intently at Lisa, as if trying to figure out if she was making some kind of a joke. Finally, the corners of her mouth lifted in what was probably the closest Hanamura ever got to amusement. “I believe you will find that to be wrong…” 

She sighed, pausing walking. For once, the young woman seemed to be showing just how tired she was. Lisa had to stifle a twinge of pity for the other girl.  _ We are not friends. We’ve never been. We won’t be.  _ Still… something was clearly very wrong. 

“I will… start from the beginning, then. I must confess, however, that we only called you because we have no other options. I… know that you and Minato-san are no longer in contact. However… circumstances being what they are…” 

_ Get on with it… t…… tell me…. tell me what happened…….. to her.  _

“As you might now, Minato-san performed at a large venue tonight. The show went off as it always did, without a hitch, and we finished around midnight. We were supposed to have a few meet and greets but… Ah…” At this, at least Tsuki had the decency to look vaguely embarrassed on behalf of her client. “Minato-san had a headache and wanted to leave early. It was fine until… well…” 

Lisa found herself clutching the end of her shirt tightly, nervous without knowing what for. “Well, what?” 

“There was an accident… a wrong-way driver down the freeway.” Even Tsukiko didn’t seem to want to go into detail. The brunette found that she was almost tearing the fabric of her skirt without realizing it, trying not to pull herself apart at the seams. “The limousine flipped over… it…” Tsuki shook her head. “It was awful.” 

The ex-bassist felt like swearing. “Is…” It was too hard, too much, to say her name. “E-everyone alright…?”  _ Please be okay. Please be okay.  _

Thankfully, the agent nodded without much hesitation. “The drivers of both vehicles are ring checked out now, but appear to be in stable condition. They’re shaken up, of course, and probably have some broken limbs to take care of, but both will make a full recovery.” 

There was a pause. 

Was she supposed to break it?  _ Do I even dare? _

“Yukina…” There was a crack in Hanamura’s voice that wasn’t usual for the professional young woman. Neither was the informality. Something was wrong. “... physically, she is alright. Better than expected, at least. The impact was diluted because she was wearing her seatbelt and farther back in the limo…” 

Something was wrong. If Yukina was further away, why did Tsuki sound so nervous? If Yukina was alright, why was Lisa here? If Yukina was fine, why wasn’t anyone telling her…?

_ … please…  _

The two of them had continued walking, without Lisa realizing it. They were now standing outside of a closed door just past a crowded nurse’s station. They seemed to be busy for such an early hour of the day. Tsukiko gave a nod to one of them, but ignored the bustle. Her eyes weren’t quite as expressionless as Lisa had been used to from… years ago. Wordlessly, the other woman placed her hand gently on the other girl’s shoulder. The brunette had to try her hardest not to flinch away. 

Something was wrong. 

“Lisa… I know this will be… difficult to hear. I… never asked Yukina about what happened between you two. I… maybe I should have. Maybe… if I had, we… wouldn’t be here right now… like this… but…” 

_ Something _ . 

“It’s hard for me to explain, too. The doctors don’t know what it is yet. It could be a concussion… it could be shock… it could be a combination of many factors…” 

_ Is _ . 

“... wouldn’t have… called you if it wasn’t… if the circumstances weren’t… if…” 

_ Wrong.  _

Lisa couldn’t take it. “Tsuki. Please… tell me…” She tried to keep the urgency out of her voice. She tried to keep the urgency out of her heart.  _ Please.  _

“It’s… her memory. When she woke up, all she could do was ask about you. The doctors weren’t quite sure at first, and obviously, it wasn’t as if she would recognize them. But… after I arrived and she… and other people tried… too. We asked her about names and… all she wanted was you, Lisa.” The dark-haired woman seemed almost… hurt by that. The bassist wondered if the two of them had actually become… friends. It wouldn’t be hard to believe, after five years. 

“B-but—” Lisa spluttered, trying to process the words that made no logical sense. “I haven’t even  _ seen _ Yukina in years. And… even before that…” Her green eyes were pleading. This was wrong. Didn’t anyone understand that? Didn’t anyone get it? Why wasn’t anyone  ** _listening_ ** _ ?! _ “She doesn’t want me anymore.”  _ You know that. You of all people know that.  _

Tsukiko sighed, and the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She gave Lisa’s arm a squeeze, her eyes not unkind for the stress she must have been under. “Lisa… I do not know how to tell you this… but at this point… you seem to be the only person that Yukina Minato remembers at all.” 

  
... and everything, everything is falling, falling down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitches (me) be like *gives self two weeks* *updates in three days anyway*. Well... it’s better than a year, haha! 
> 
> We’re really getting into the story. Hooray! I know that this is probably not the most realistic or medically accurate story of all time (this the fanfic equivalent of 50 first dates lol!), but hopefully no one’s reading this for a medical diagnosis. I’m a philosophy and Creative writing major, so I really am just in college to get a girlfriend and study gay literature at this point haha, so please don’t expect facts! :^) 
> 
> Thank you guys so, so much for the overwhelmingly positive response to last chapter! I also didn’t think I was alive (/j lol!) but I’m glad to see so many people actually wanted this story to continue. I don’t have a ton of experience in writing, since this is my first multi-chapter fic and my third all time story ever, but hopefully you guys continue to enjoy it!! 
> 
> (Also, Tsuki is an OC of mine that was actually planned for a different story, but she worked well here! I hope y’all liked her at least a bit haha!)
> 
> Thank you guys so, so much for reading! Next chapter will be an interlude for more context, but then we’ll actually reconnect the Lisa and Yukina for the first time in five years!
> 
> ~ Paige <33


	4. interlude 1. all noise and no melody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No editing, we die like women. 
> 
> This chapter is a little more artsy than the last few because I wanted to try something! It should be fairly clear, hopefully, but the POVs in italics in each section are the girl's memories and the normal text is happening at the present moment. 
> 
> (Also, to be honest, I haven't played the game in a while, so the information I have on their families might be out of date or not completely accurate, so apologies if I got anything wrong! ^^)

** interlude 1. all noise and no melody**

Udagawa Ako can’t remember the last time she still believed in happy endings. 

_ It’s a fairly standard rehearsal. Well, standard for Roselia, which means that it’s awesome, of course! Ako idolizes her bandmates… how many other fourteen-year-olds can say that they’re in a band this professional? Not many! Big Sis will always be the coolest drummer, of course, but she thinks that she’s well on her way to being at least the second coolest!  _

_ As usual, Lisa and Yukina take off quickly after the practice ends. Neither of the other three care too much, happy to let the brunette drag their lead singer to one date after another. Yukina has been a lot happier, really, since the two of them became official. If she was honest, Ako had thought the two of them had been dating for a lot longer than before they actually announced it to the band. I mean, come on… it wasn’t like the two of them weren’t super obviously crushing. So Ako’s happy doing a little extra cleanup, if she has to, just to see both of them so happy.  _

_ “Hey! Heyyy, Rin Rin!” After they pay for the session, the girl bounces over to her best friend. “Do you think we’re on the Good End route for Roselia?!” Ako is smiling still, in her memory, because she hasn’t yet learned what the world does to those who dare to hope.  _

_ Rinko exchanges a look with Sayo that the younger girl doesn’t quite understand, before rewarding the drummer with one of those shy smiles that Ako likes so much. “I… certainly hope so…” _

_ No one told Ako that sometimes people fell out of love, too. No one told her that happy endings weren’t guaranteed. No one told her that sometimes even people who were perfect for each other could tear themselves apart.  _

_ Maybe no one tells you, in the end.  _ _ Maybe you just have to learn it from experience.  _

The lights at the party are too bright and they remind the purple-haired girl too much of the spotlight. Trying not to spill her water, she stumbles backwards and away from the source, nearly knocking over a boy crossing the makeshift dance floor. He starts to say something rude but stops when his glazed eyes fall on Ako and smiles instead. Wordlessly, the purple-haired girl shoves past him with more force, losing him in the crowd. 

She’s used to the way the boys crowd now. It’s her second year at university, so she can’t pretend anymore. Can’t pretend that the world is kind, that boys are sweet, that everyone always has the best intentions. Those were the thoughts of childhood; she’s not a child. Not today, not now, not anymore. 

(She knows the truth, much as she tries to cling to fantasy, that her childhood ended years ago.)

The eighteen-year-old flits around the party, nodding to people she knows without engaging them. It wasn’t that long ago that most people would have paid her to stop talking and breathe for a bit, but now most people can barely get a word out of her. It’s not as if she’s anti-social (she comes, doesn’t she? Isn’t that enough?); it’s simply that spilling too much information is no longer her style. That left her when the false personality and dramatics did, when no amount of pretending could put the band back together again. 

Sometimes, Ako wonders if she only goes to these parties because her younger self might have liked them. She fiddles with the straps of her pink dress, trying to get comfortable with the noise, the pushing. No matter how many she comes to, it’s still too much. It isn’t like a live house, it isn’t like a show. It’s just noise and no melody. 

There was music once. When she’s nervous, Ako tries to remember it. 

(But clinging to the color pink can’t bring back your innocence, and no amount of soap can wash the past off your skin, drain the poison from your system.)

The purple-haired girl moves towards the door and slips out. No one stops her. She’d be surprised if someone cared if she left, anyway. Most people didn’t even know she was there. Briefly, she thinks about calling Lisa for a ride home, but decides against it. The party is only a block away from her dorm, after all. They’re always really close, and Lisa teases her about simply wanting a personal chauffeur. 

Ako doesn’t tell the brunette that she just wants to see her. She just laughs. It’s easier to laugh than pretend that she is still holding on to anything and everything she can, or she’ll drown in the weight of it all. 

»»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-««

The piano in Shirogane Rinko’s apartment is gathering dust in the same way she thinks her life is _ .  _

_ Nothing that Roselia does seems to be good enough for Yukina, anymore. She isn’t content with their usual standard of excellence; it has to be bigger, better, more. Rinko has a feeling that this is about more than just the band, but she keeps her head bent down over her piano instead of speaking up. It’s safer to say nothing, in the end. Ako always says too much, and neither Yukina or Sayo can take it anymore.  _

_ It hasn’t always been this bad, Rinko tells herself as she walks back to her house with her arm around a sobbing Ako. She doesn’t know what Sayo said this time; she tunes it out. It all just sounds like yelling to Rinko, who is very rarely the target of anything except being forgotten.  _

_ It hasn’t always been this bad. But it’s getting harder to believe after every rehearsal goes south, after every one ends in someone crying.  _

_ (Rinko doesn’t cry at rehearsal, not anymore. It’s safer to cry where no one can see.)  _

_ The problem is that Lisa is sad. _

_ Everyone knows it, of course, but they’re blaming it on their music because they don’t know what else to do. They don’t know how else to fix it, because Imai-san never tells anyone when she’s hurting. Rinko knows what it feels like, to hide parts of yourself away, to feel like it is better to lock everything away instead of showing it with everyone… but she hadn’t known Lisa was like that. The brunette was everyone’s lifeline. If she drowns, she takes them all down with them.  _

_ Rinko thinks that Lisa and Yukina’s relationship is something like a forest fire. The stronger it is, the more it burns around it. Things like that don’t care about what they’re taking. All they know how to do is burn until one day there won’t be anything left of themselves or everything else. It’ll be nothing but smoke and ashes and then what will there be left to hold onto…?  _

_ In the end, Rinko has a lot of thoughts.  _

_ But Yukina wants to play again, again, again… and so the pianist pushes them out of her head and jams her fingers on the keys. It doesn't sound right. It's all noise and no melody.  _

_ (No one would have listened, anyway. No one hears.)  _

The piano sits in the corner of her apartment gathering dust. Her family had told her to take it when she moved out last year, that she would want it when she grew out of this ‘phase’ she was going through.  _ You play so beautifully, Rinko… it would be a shame to throw that all away because of… well,  _ they had sighed.  _ You know.  _

The screen lights up with a chat from the person she’s supposed to be trading with, and Rinko pulls herself out of her thoughts. She’ll have to call someone about the piano. It’s just taking up space she could use for another bookshelf or table or something. It’s not that she entertains often, but sometimes it’s her turn to host study sessions or group projects at the college she attends. 

Her mother was wrong. The piano isn’t needed here. The girl who used to play it isn’t here, either. 

She isn’t sure she even still knows how… 

It’s unrealistic. Rinko used to be something of a prodigy. It wasn’t as if a few years off made her forget everything. Even if she doesn’t play, the music is in her head. The melodies and chords are her thoughts. No matter how hard she tries, the black-haired girl can’t seem to pull it out of her heart. 

It hurts.

It hurts to miss something like Roselia, like what they had, because so much changed over the years that Rinko doesn’t even know what she’s missing anymore. 

Lisa and Sayo remain in touch when they can. Ako is… well… she’s out of control. Rinko thinks it might be her fault, but she doesn’t know what to do or how to tell anyone. She’s thought about asking Lisa which therapist she sees, but it would probably just make the other girl worry. The last thing Imai-san needs is to be more stressed. 

So Rinko is fine, really. In the end, she has to be fine. 

Who cares if half her life is spent on games and chats and virtual adventures? It doesn’t matter, in the end. It makes the pain stop, not thinking about it, and even if it doesn’t go away, even if it comes back, Rinko will keep pushing it back until the dam finally holds. Until she can’t feel the guilt, the pain, the truth, anymore. 

Maybe playing the piano would help. It used to… before… 

…

……. 

………..

But there are more ghosts haunting that piano than there are in the newest game she’s playing, and Rinko would rather throw her life away for a happy ending on a screen than remember she might not get a real one.

»»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-««

Hikawa Sayo doesn’t know what she wants from anyone, anymore… only that she wants them to stay. 

_ Yukina misses rehearsal again. She doesn’t tell anyone.  _

_ There’s not really any point in practicing without a lead singer, but they have the room booked in the live house, anyway. No one wants to go home yet, either. It’s too early, so the four of them just sit on the ground and wait. _

_ No one really knows what they’re waiting for.  _

_ Eventually Ako, bored of the silence, taps a few beats with her drumsticks on the tiled floor. The noise is muffled, almost nothing really, but somehow it’s the saddest thing that Sayo’s ever heard. It sounds like how a broken heart might beat, all noise and no melody, and the blue-haired girl wonders if it’s possible to love something so much you’d die without it.  _

_ “She’s not coming.” The bluenette is the first to speak, her usual authoritarian tone hushed. Her eyes are on the wooden sticks in Ako’s hands. It’s easier to watch them than look at anyone else, knowing that the same sort of hollowness is mirrored there. It’s certainly easier than looking at Lisa, who seems to have crumpled like a sheet of paper these last few weeks. It’s unnerving to see. The brunette is normally so unflappable, so steady, and now she looks… tired. _

_ They’re all tired.  _

_ Ako doesn’t reply like Sayo had expected, and it’s Rinko’s quiet voice that asks the question on everyone’s mind. “Do… you think we should……. g-go… home…?”  _

_ There’s no talk of practicing without her, even though there’s been days in the past when Yukina was ill. It’s not impossible, after all, but it might as well be. There isn’t a band without Yukina. Or, if there is, it isn’t Roselia. And for all the lilac-haired girl’s faults, Sayo respects both Minato and the band too much to try to separate them from the other. Ripping apart seams is for patterns and dresses, not for people, and at least Sayo knows when something is pointless. _

_ “We could try her again…!” Ako clutches onto the band more tightly than any of them as she always has. The younger girl looks like she’s forcing a smile, but she’s more successful than any of the other three, who’ve given up trying to keep up the façade. “We only called the one time…” _

_ Sayo opens her mouth to chide the younger girl, but Lisa beats her to it. “No, Ako… She isn’t coming.”  _

_ Without another word, the brunette swings herself off the floor, grabs her unopened bass case, and leaves the room. Ako looks like a kicked puppy, watching Lisa leave. Rinko must be so afraid that the other girl will burst into tears again that she puts her arm gently around the other girl’s shoulders. The two of them just sit there, communicating in a way that Sayo doesn’t really understand. It’s too much for the latter to sit and watch. It’s always just… her… in the end. Just Sayo. Lisa and Yukina have always been a pair. Rinko and Ako are inseparable.  _

_ Sometimes… it hurts to be just Sayo, alone, but… the blue-haired girl doesn’t say this. Why would she bother? It’s not a problem. Things are only problems if you make too much of a big deal out of them.  _

_ … but she should find Yukina, drag her here kicking and screaming if she has to. Or she should follow Lisa and make sure that she’s alright… or, at least, as okay as she can be. _

_ But Sayo hasn’t made a plan for either, and in the end, all she can say is a mumbled ‘see you later’ to Ako and Rinko and carry her guitar home before it breaks apart like her heart’s threatening to.  _

_ ‘See you’ is never supposed to be permanent, so why did it sound like a goodbye?  _

New York is loud. Of course, she expected it to be loud. It’s not as if she is unused to cities, but there is something too loud about this one. At some points, it is almost too much for her. The loudness. It encompasses everything. Her room on the fourteen floor of the dormitory overlooks one of the busier streets in the area, and there’s a theater that she can just make out half a block away. It’s one of the bigger ones, with tourists lining up twice a day to get in. 

People used to line up for Roselia, too. 

Dwelling on those sorts of things are unhealthy, though. It’s better to move on. It feels easier here in America. Not as many people know the past here, and if they do, they aren’t interested in following the drama. It’s easy to blend into the background in New York. Everyone wants to be someone here. 

It’s the best place that Sayo could think of to not want to be anyone at all. 

Her roommate is sweet and quiet. The guitarist is thankful for that. A violinist named Faye who introduced herself as being from Chicago. It’s hard for Sayo to be interested in anyone (when they’re just going to leave her), but she finds out things about the other girl, anyway. Faye has younger siblings, too, although younger than Hina. She’s half Japanese and her father often travels in Japan on business, so she’s familiar with some of the places that Sayo talks about. Not that she talks all that much, really. Home is separate, distant. Faye never prys. In some ways, her roommate reminds her a lot of Yukina. Quiet. Focused. Polite. 

She doesn’t like thinking about that. Yukina stole enough of their time before she threw them away. Sayo won't let her take anymore of her life. 

  
Hina is in the room down the hall with her own roommate. As the years have gone by, she’s grown up a lot. She’s still a pain, sometimes, but her sister has her own life now. They didn’t even have to room together here at college. It’s nice, but sometimes it feels like being left in its own way. Sayo supposes that she deserves that one, though. 

Tsugumi might come visit, though. Sayo texts her friend as much as the time difference allows, but it isn’t the same as being face to face. If she comes, it might be better here. Tsugumi knows what to say to make the world feel right again. She’s sure that Faye wouldn’t mind if she came and stayed a few nights. So, i t will be okay in the end. Tsugumi would come. Hina won’t leave her. New York will be good for her. Sayo tries to affirm all these things in her mind, to focus, but she isn’t as good at this as she used to be. Her mind is always drifting to places it shouldn’t and memories that it isn’t ready to rewatch. 

The tourists are lining up outside, again. Sayo turns away from the window, so she doesn’t have to remember.

»»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-««

No one told Minato Yukina how much you had to give up to have it all. 

_ “Sign here, please.” Tsukiko Hanamura is holding out the pen, and all Yukina has to do is write her name. One signature and her career is a guaranteed hit. A few characters and everything she wanted becomes possible.  _

_ This is what she’s always wanted, right? This is the dream. Her father never quite got here… not to this point, not to this sheet of paper. He was always on the verge of this success, on the peak of being something and not just a someone. Roselia could have had this. Roselia could have been something.  _

_ Yukina doesn’t understand it. She doesn’t understand why only she wanted to make something of the band, in the end. Why is it only her here, signing herself? Why can’t they see that this is what they’ve always worked for?  _

_ In the end, they were foolish. They were all foolish to quit before this point. Ako is childish, naïve. She believed in the spotlight like some people believe in God, and then she let her faith be shaken. Rinko was never brave enough for this sort of fame. At least Yukina had expected that loss. Ultimately, those two didn’t hurt as much. Ako couldn’t have left school, anyway, and Rinko wouldn’t go without the younger girl.  _

_ (There still should have been someone. Two someone’s. Where did they both go? Why did they leave me behind…?)  _

_ Tsukiko Hanamura wants Yukina. The industry wants her. They don’t need her with Roselia, even if they might have liked the band at first. They want her, her without strings attached. Her, as she is now. Right? Right. No one else has wanted Yukina like that. The band wanted her to be better. The world wanted her to be stronger. Lisa wanted her to be kinder.  _

_ Lisa… _

_ … Lisa is in love with a girl who does not exist. A concept, a shadow, an echo. Call it what you want, but it doesn’t stop the ache in Yukina’s bones. The pain that she is trying to fill shoes with no soles. It is something that was always there, lurking in the back of Yukina’s mind,  _

_ Lisa wants Yukina to be the image she has in her head, the idea of a perfect childhood romance.  _ _ (Sometimes, Yukina wants that too.)  _

_ The brunette loved her, more than anyone else had. In a way no one else had. Lisa had a way of loving every inch of you, of making you feel worth it. But she wasn’t always there, and the rest of the world was cruel and tore you apart, and it wasn’t enough, okay? It. Wasn’t. **E** _ ** _**nough.** _ ** _ No one can fault me for this, Yukina wants to scream. No one can convince her that one person’s love is enough, not when there is a whole world out there that could. A world that refused to love her father, but would love her. Yukina was sure about it. Sure, he warned her against this…. but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, nothing matters.  _

_ Nothing matters except finally being enough for everyone.  _

_ Yukina lets her heart tear itself to pieces, so long as her hand doesn’t shake as she signs her soul away.  _

But she is older now. At least… she might be. She can’t remember it quite right...

The mechanical beeping wakes the purple-haired girl up from her slumber. It doesn’t sound like much, really. It’s nothing more than a constant, rhythmic beat. All noise and no melody. Is that familiar? Is music familiar? The girl is supposed to know… she thinks… but everything is blurred, hazy. 

And then there’s too many questions and too many people to focus on the music. 

_ “Can you hear me?” _

**Yes… ** At least, she thinks so. The girl seems to have heard the question, at least… though, she couldn’t say who asked it of her. There’s too much commotion in the room and she finds that she seems to be having a hard time moving her head. 

_ “Can you keep your eyes open for me, honey?”  _

**Maybe… ** The young woman finally pinpoints who’s asking her the question. It’s a nurse, a young one, and he’s shining a flashlight into her eyes. The girl winces. Bright… it was dark for a while, and now it’s bright. She doesn’t quite understand why… should she tell the nurse? Maybe he already knows. 

Truthfully, the young woman doesn’t want to keep her eyes open. She’s awfully tired… and her whole body feels heavy, like it’s being pulled down by a tide that she can’t quite see. Still, the nurse wanted her to stay awake and the girl thinks she’s nothing if not amicable. A few times they droop closed, but she’s quick to try to pry them back open, even through her sleepiness. 

“ _ Good, good… now… do you feel as if you can answer a few questions for us, honey? You had quite a bad accident just now, so we need to know how you’re doing, okay? Can you do that for us, sweetie?” _

**Maybe? ** Her focus is on the other people in the room. Mostly doctors and nurses, unfamiliar to her. That makes sense, she supposes. Everything is fuzzy, but she assumes most people wouldn’t know every doctor in a hospital. None of them seem to be treating her with specific familiarity… so it’s likely that she’s safe on that front. The gray-haired girl’s focus is on the other woman standing towards the door. She’s a dark-haired girl… a little older than……………..

………………………………………. hm…? 

How old is she again? 

….. the answer doesn’t come like it should. She frowns a bit, eyebrows furrowing. The nurse must notice, because he tries to soften his tone even more. The gray-haired girl doesn’t know if she particularly cares for that, either. It’s better just to get the questions over with. 

“ _ Can you tell me your name, sweetheart?”  _

**…. hmm…? ** The young woman is quick to open her mouth, but finds herself at a loss. There’s nothing where her name should be. Is that normal? She can’t remember if it’s normal or not. Her head hurts too much for her to care about it right now. 

“I’m sorry…” Her tone is apologetic, polite. When it comes out, it comes out almost shyly. It seems to surprise the dark-haired girl in the back, who’s staring at her with an expression almost like… fear. Did she do something wrong…? “I don’t quite remember it…” 

The nurse looks a little flustered at that, but he tries valiantly to continue. “Ah… um, well… that’s alright! As I said, it was quite the accident… it’s perfectly normal to be a little confused.” 

He doesn’t seem to be a very good liar. 

_ “... and, um… do you know what the date is…?” _

**No. ** That one she’s certain of. Time is too fuzzy right now… if she could see a window, maybe she could tell him if it was morning or night, but the room is lit only by the fluorescent ceiling pans and the screens of the machines. It makes her feel dizzy, all this brightness. She can remember being in the dark, before they shined the light into her eyes and woke her up. It was warm there, and it felt safer. Nothing like this bright room and the cold eyes of the woman in the back staring at her. 

She wants to go back to the dark. 

… she isn’t quite sure why.

Her eyes close again, briefly. What was there about the dark that she wanted? It was urgent, at the time… it was something she had to remember. This feels important, and so the gray-haired girl attempts to filter out the nurse’s conversation with the doctor about her answers. It’s not as if she needs to be told she didn’t pass, after all. 

………………………………………………………………………  _ “I love you….”  _

Ah! There it was! That was what she was supposed to remember. There was a girl in the dark, one who said she loved her. A pretty girl, too, and warm. She was holding hands with her… was it real? It felt real, at the time… but now the young woman isn’t quite so sure. If the other girl is real, then where is she? Maybe she could ask about her…? The nurses and the doctors might know… 

“Umm…” Again, her voice comes out very politely. It’s almost surprising to herself, although she can’t quite understand why. Was she not supposed to be quiet? The thought of being loud makes her head hurt right now. “Excuse me…?” 

The nurse doesn’t seem to hear her, but the woman in the back of the room does. The girl in the bed isn’t sure that’s quite what she wanted, but she supposes that it wouldn’t hurt to ask her to. As she watches, the other figure crosses to her bed. “Yes?” Curt. Business-like. Somehow, that makes her feel more at ease than the nurse’s coddling. 

“Umm…” It’s not easy to find the words. “I think… I’m looking for someone…” What if she’s not real? If the girl isn’t real, then the young woman in the bed is going to feel rather silly. 

This didn’t appear to be what her companion was expecting. The brunette raises an eyebrow. (Her hair isn’t the same color as the girl in her dream, though. It’s not this person.) “Looking for someone?” There’s a hint of something like regret in her voice that doesn’t make sense. The injured girl decides not to question it. “Who?” 

Who indeed…? “Well... I… don’t quite remember her name, I suppose.” This pattern of speech feels wrong, but she can’t quite figure out why. That’s the problem with everything right now. Even if she knows something, there’s no context for it. It’s just hollow. That’s why she needs the girl in her dreams. She would know. She has to know. “I apologize, I don’t…”

“Don’t apologize. Continue.” 

… oh. Alright, then. What a weird conversation she has found herself in. “Well… she has brown hair and…” She closes her eyes, trying hard to recall. “Green eyes… although, they were sort of brown, too. Sort of……… hazel…” The woman trails off, watching the other figure to see if she would cut her off. When she doesn’t, however, she continues. “... and in, um, my dream… she was holding my hand.” 

………………………..

There’s a pause. 

“Lisa.” 

The name feels right. It feels warm in the same way the image of the girl does. The girl finds herself being, despite the rather sour look that the dark-haired woman is now wearing. “Yes…! I think that’s it.” Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. That’s what she needed to remember. Who she needed to remember. Lisa was holding her hand and it was warm and she was going to be okay.

… oh. But… “Um… is… she here?” 

“No.” 

And suddenly it’s cold again. “Oh…” Maybe she was wrong, before. Maybe the lilac-haired girl would have liked to be coddled a little. This woman is nothing like Lisa. She decides that she doesn’t like her very much at all. Is that right? “I… see…” 

There’s another pause. It’s uncomfortable, the type of silence that is somehow louder than the rest of the noise in the room. And, then… “Would you like me to call her?”

Light.

“Yes.” She almost sits up in her bed, causing the beeping to increase. Her heart rate must have sped up to an unpredictable amount, as the nurse rushes back over to check on her. As he soothes her back down, the young woman attempts to continue speaking. “If you could, please… I want to see someone I know.”    
  


That wasn’t the right thing to say. The dark-haired woman’s eyes turn a shade cooler, if that was possible. “I will see if she has clearance,” is the last thing she leaves her with, before her heels click away and the door slams closed. 

… did she do something wrong…? 

The doctors fuss over her more, but the injured patient tunes them out. Her thoughts are on Lisa. Her Lisa. The one she remembers. She might be coming. Will she remember who she is, by then…? For a moment, she attempts to recall her name. Something with…………………… no, not that… nevermind. It hurts too much to think, right now. Her eyes close. 

Lisa’s name will have to be enough for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... well... it wasn't a year this time! H,, haha,, 
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter! Thank you guys so much for your kind words and support so far, and I'm so sorry this took longer than planned! Zoom university has not been kind to me this semester, but finals are next week (hooray!), so I should hopefully have more time to update consistently soon. Next chapter will be the first time Lisa and Yukina see each other since the breakup, so I'm really excited to get that to you guys. 
> 
> Once again, thank you guys for all the love you've showed this story! It really makes my day to see that people enjoy my writing! This is my first multi-chaptered... anything, actually, so it means a lot to me! 
> 
> Make sure to drink some water and have a good day! <3  
~ Paige


	5. 004. Hello, or Maybe Hello Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic but every time I post inconsistently, it gets longer. 
> 
> Here it is! The long awaited first meeting! I genuinely haven't edited this much at all because it's very late at night and I just wanted to post it because I was so excited. I'll go through and fix mistakes in the morning! 
> 
> Also, I promise that Yukina being somewhat OOC is intentional before I forget haha, just in case anyone was confused or upset about it. There's a reason for it and it will help the story progress, I promise!

**004\. hello, or maybe hello again**

The hospital door might as well have lead to the end of the world. 

Well, alright. Maybe that was a bit over dramatic. It’s not much of anything, really. It’s just a metal door painted to look like wood and a silver handle poking out. _One of those fire doors_, Lisa thought. She remembered Eve telling her one time that all hospitals have fire doors. The other girl must have picked up that bit of trivia during her training. Not many people had expected the distractible girl to go into nursing, but she had shown rather a knack for it. For a brief moment, Lisa wished that Eve worked at this hospital rather than one a few towns over. It would be so much easier to send the other girl in and run away. 

Lisa didn’t want to open the door. 

Was it okay to admit that? Honestly, she wasn’t sure. It wasn’t as if things had ended cleanly between her and Yukina. The bassist wasn’t fond of the idea of stepping back into a world where they were in each other’s lives. After all, as much as her friends were kind to take the brunette’s side, she had made mistakes in the relationship, too. Probably a lot of them. That’s why… 

The brunette winced. She didn’t need to go there right now. Things were hard enough. 

Tsukiko was watching her with those cold eyes of hers again, gazing between her and the door to what must have been Yukina’s hospital room. They had been standing outside it for at least five minutes while Lisa had attempted to process the bombshell that had just been dropped on her.  _ It would have been nice for a nurse or doctor to have been here to explain _ , Lisa thought a little bitterly. For as long as she’d known Yukina’s agent, the woman had never been much of a comforting presence. 

(There was a part of Lisa's heart that ached thinking about Yukina waking up with just Tsukiko for company. A part of her she sort of wanted to crush into tiny pieces, but a part none the less.) 

Feelings were… hard, okay? 

“So…” Lisa felt winded, even if she’d done nothing but stand and stare at the door. “When you say ‘doesn’t remember’ anyone except mean, do you mean-”

“For the last time,” Tsuki wasn't someone you wanted to annoy on a good day. Having her star client hospitalized and it being about five in the morning at this point did not a good combination make. “Yes. I do not know what to tell you, okay? I can’t give you a different answer than what I have already repeated at least a dozen times, Imai-san. I asked the hospital to call you as per Minato-san’s request, which they did as you were apparently still listed on her emergency contact sheet. She wanted you. Just you. There’s no one else she asked for and nothing else she wanted. Happy?” 

… 

_ Not particularly. _

_ ... _

_ “ _ I…” Lisa didn’t know how to respond. This isn’t a situation you can practice or prepare for. The brunette was about to ask something along the lines of ‘but why me?’ before she stopped herself. Hanamura had what Moca might refer to as ‘a horse so high that it could file for animal abuse due to oxygen loss’, but she wasn’t a cruel person. She had certainly worked hard to get Yukina so far. Whether or not it was a good thing, Lisa had to admit it would probably hurt not to be remembered at all by someone you’d basically based your whole life around. 

It was better to focus on a different line of questioning. “What about personal things? Herself? What do the doctors say?” 

Tsukiko rubbed the bridge of her nose in frustration, but it seemed more generalized than directed at the ex-bassist this time. “The doctors don’t know yet. She didn’t wake up very long ago. Physically, she’s remarkably healthy. She has a twisted ankle and she’s definitely banged up, but it could have been significantly worse. As for the concussion…” The agent blew out a breath. “It’s hard to say at the current moment. She doesn’t remember much at all right now, but it’s hard to say whether that’s a symptom of trauma or just confusion. Minato-san couldn’t recall her name or the date, but the doctor’s say that isn’t uncommon. She didn’t recall you by name at first, either, but remembered your relationship. Or, at least, she remembered holding your hand. That’s why she wanted you.” 

The brunette’s cheeks flushed pinker than she had given them permission to. Her heart couldn’t decide whether to flutter or freeze. Why in God’s name did this have to be her life? 

“So… what are we going to do?” Lisa’s voice felt very small when it came out. “I mean, if she doesn’t, you know…” 

Tsuki’s glare was back in full force. “This is not an ‘us’ moment. There is no ‘us’. My job is to keep this out of the press. If this gets out…” Even the agent looked a little distressed by the thought. Again, Lisa couldn’t blame her. Yukina was an internationally acclaimed celebrity. If someone found out about the fact that she’d lost her memory… well, the brunette had no doubt there would be a long line of people waiting to take advantage of her state. 

“Besides,” Hanamura continued, momentary distraction covered. “Yukina doesn’t want me. She doesn't want anyone else. She wants you. That much was fairly clear to everyone in the room. As for what you should do…” Another exhale. “That’s really up to you. I suppose you have every right to just leave now. I won’t stop you, if that’s your concern. You do not owe Minato-san anything. But, if you would like to help, the best thing for Yukina would be giving her a place to recover quietly. The doctors aren’t sure when her memory will return…” 

There was a pause that Lisa understood, but didn’t like. Both she and the other girl were thinking the same thing.  _ Please let it be when, and not if.  _

“Wait, wait… y-you mean…?” The idea was so ridiculous that she almost had to laugh. “Back to my apartment?” That had to be a joke. 

Tsuki appeared deadly serious, however. “Yes. Pretty much every place that Yukina has ever lived in will be known by her fans. She can’t go back there. I have no doubt the paparazzi is already swarming everywhere in connection to her. But your relationship to Yukina ended before the limelight. Besides, I assume you no longer live in your parents’ home, yes? Fans may attempt to return to Yukina’s or your childhood home, but they won’t know where you live now. It will be safe for her there.” 

_ Dear God, for whatever I have done, I am truly, truly sorry. But please, if you’re there, don’t make me do this.  _

_ “ _ B… but…. I have roommates! I can’t just bring  _ the  _ Yukina Minato home!” Lisa felt like lying through her teeth was okay at this moment. It’s not like Tsuki knew who her roommates were, after all. So what if both Moca and Himari knew Yukina fairly well. That wasn’t the point right now. Although, she was fairly certain that Yukina would not make it out alive if Moca ever did decide to move off the damn couch for once. 

“Do I look like I care?” The dark-haired girl raised a perfect eyebrow at the brunette. That answer was a resounding no (not that Lisa was stupid enough to say that out loud, of course). “Nothing about this situation is ideal, but your apartment is the best location we have. Besides,” Tsuki’s glare deepened if that was even possible. “If she keeps up how she was like today, she’d probably try to track you down herself and then all hope would be lost.” 

… a bit dramatic, but Lisa got the point. 

The agent checked her watch and then glanced at the door. “So. Are you planning to make a break for it or can we get on with it?” 

_ Get on with it?!  _ Lisa wanted to scream. This wasn’t exactly like trying to decide on what to make for breakfast or anything. This was one of those things that Rinko’s video games would probably classify as a “big event route” or whatever. The brunette felt like tearing her hair out. This really wasn’t what she needed right now… but that thought felt so selfish that it made her stomach hurt. Lisa wasn’t good at prioritizing herself, even though her therapist constantly reminded her that it was okay to take care of her own needs before other people’s. It just never felt right, though… and now here she was. It was hard to stay upset at her ex when she knew very well that Yukina could have… might have… 

… and that she didn’t remember anyone else… 

When they were kids, Yukina hadn’t had anyone else besides Lisa, either. That had always been purposeful, though. Or at least, most of the time Lisa had assumed it was. Stubborn as she was, the lilac-haired girl had always alienated herself from her classmates. They attempted to be nice to her, but Lisa had always assumed that might have been because they knew Yukina was her friend. Not everyone had to be popular, of course, but the brunette could remember asking the singer why she never bothered to keep up friendships. 

_ “Yukiii…” Ten-year-old Lisa whined again as she looked wistfully at the group of their classmates retreating in the direction of the mall. “We could have gone with them for at least a little bit…”  _

_ If Yukina had a comment for that, she didn’t offer it. Her mittens were tucked into the pockets of her too-large winter coat and her chin was completely obscured by the scarf she was wearing. It was pretty cute, if you asked Lisa. Not that, of course, she’d ever tell her friend that. Yukina tended to get flustered whenever Lisa teased her, and now didn’t seem the right time. The longer she studied the other girl, the more that the brunette could tell something was wrong.  _

_ “What’s up with you, Yuki?” Lisa skidded in the snow to catch up with her friend’s trudging. “Do you not feel good or something?”  _

_ There was a pause. Lisa almost thought that Yukina was going to ignore her, before the other girl finally spoke up. “Why do you bother with me, Lisa?”  _

_ “What?!” The brunette stopped in her tracks, shocked. “What do you mean, bother with you? We’re friends! I don’t just bother with you, silly~ I like you!” Was that what was irking Yukina? It seemed like a silly thing to be worried about to Lisa… of course she liked Yuki! They were like… best friends! That was the whole point.  _

_ The lilac-haired child didn’t exactly appear convinced. She didn’t look annoyed like she usually did when she was upset, which only worried Lisa more. Her friend just looked… sad. Sad was a lot worse than angry. Lisa knew how to fix ‘angry’, but she wasn’t sure if anyone could truly fix ‘sad’.  _

_ Her friend had stopped, too, hands shoved even further down into her pockets. “It’s just…” Yukina sighed. “You have all those girls who want to be friends with you. All those people who could make you happy. And I’m… just me.” The girl’s foot was dragging some of the loose snow around her feet. “What if you decide….” She trailed off.  _

_ “Decide…?” Lisa cocked her head the way a bird might when trying to listen to another’s song. “Decide what, Yuki? What are you talking about? You're worrying me.”  _

_ “Decide… that I’m not enough for you, anymore.” Yukina mumbled, the words barely audible. The wind whipped up the ends of her scarf so that the ends flew up around her. They had to get home soon, before the sun went down.  _

_ It was starting to get dark out, but this was the first time that Lisa realized that it might be dark inside Yukina’s head, too.  _

_ … and Lisa hadn’t known at all. She hasn’t known… hadn’t thought…  _

_ The brunette moved closer, close enough that she could see Yukina’s breath in the cold air. “Hey…” She moved her hand down her friend’s arm and rested it just above the girl’s pocket, offering to hold her hand she’d remove it from her jacket pocket. “That could never happen, Yukina. You know that… we’re Yukina and Lisa! Best friends forever, remember? You’re always enough for me, Yuki.”  _

_ Promisingly, the other girl took her hand out of her pocket at Lisa’s touch. Careful not to startle her, Lisa slipped her hand into Yukina’s easily. She was surprised at how easily their fingers intertwined, but tried not focus on that. Tugging the shorter girl forwards, the bassist gave her friend a bright smile. “Come on! We have to go or we’ll freeze to death out here!” _

_ “I…” Yukina didn’t move forwards with Lisa, clutching the other girl’s hand like it was a lifeline. “I… I love you.”  _

_ Lisa was used to hearing the phrase. Her parents told her that a lot and her other friends threw it around so much that it was basically meaningless. But it sounded different coming from Yukina, who was always so careful with her words. It made Lisa’s heart flip in a way she didn’t understand yet. “I love you too, Yuki~!” It felt natural to say, not forced like it sometimes sounded.  _

_ It felt right.  _

That had been so long ago… yet it came back to her like it was only yesterday. Lisa was surprised how easily the memory had been recalled. The feelings of that moment came back, too, crashing into her like a tidal wave. It had been the first time Lisa had noticed that Yukina had been sad, truly sad. It had never occurred to the brunette to… ask, really. It wasn’t as if the two of them never talked about hard things… but they had been children. Lisa hadn’t realized things had been hard for Yukina, that her method of alienating her peers hadn’t always been a conscious choice. After that, the ex-bassist had tried her best to support her friend, no matter how much Yukina tried to push her away. Lisa didn’t know how to fix ‘sad’, but she sure as hell knew how to try. 

…  _ best friends forever, remember …  _

She had to try now, too. 

Not because Yukina deserved it. Love wasn’t something you had to deserve. It wasn't a privilege. As much as she wanted to run away and never come back, Lisa knew that wasn’t what was right here. She had made a promise to Yukina back then. To that Yukina, the girl that she had grown up with. The girl that loved cats and held her hand during scary movies and sang with her in a band with the prettiest voice that Lisa had ever heard. That was her Yukina, not the one that had caused so much pain and stress the past few years. 

It had hurt going through those times, but what had hurt the most was watching the girl she loved bury herself so deeply away that Lisa wasn’t sure if she was still in there. 

They weren’t children anymore. They didn’t have the kind of forever that children believed in. Not anymore. They were all grown up, and neither of them were allowed the innocence of pretending that they were. Lisa tucked her own hands into the pockets of her coat and attempted to calm her racing heart. She didn’t know what was right, here. How could she trust her heart when it had been broken so badly by the girl in the other room? 

…  _ you’re always enough for me, Yuki …  _

But that hadn’t been enough for her. 

Not in the end. No matter how much Lisa had told her girlfriend, the words always fell a few inches short. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t convince Yukina that she didn’t have to earn Lisa’s love. 

Five years. 

Five years was a long time. The brunette didn’t know how much that the girl she had loved had changed in all that time apart. Perhaps there was nothing left of the person she knew at all. Tsuki had told her that the doctors had hoped her memories would return… If they did, what would Yukina be like? Would she remember… that Lisa had never been enough for her? 

Would she mean it this time…? 

“Fine. I… I mean, not fine to her staying. Y… yet. I…. I’ll see her. But that’s all I’m promising for right now. And if I don’t want to stay… you have to promise me you won’t force me into anything. Alright?” 

Another hard look from the agent, before the young woman nodded. “Understood.” Without another word, she turned and pressed down on the door’s handle, swinging it open so that Lisa could enter the room first.  _ How considerate.  _ Lisa pressed her hands further into her pockets, trying to keep them from shaking as badly as they were. 

_ … I love you …  _

Would it be enough? 

»»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-«« »»————- ————-««

The hospital door swung open and it looked like the light at the end of the tunnel. 

It had been a few hours since the girl had woken up. At least, the doctors had told her that it had been a few hours. The clock on the wall was too far away for her to read when she was lying down, so she had to keep asking the nurse to tell her what time it was. There were always nurses in the room. They were nice but rather chatty. They seemed to be trying to keep the lilac-haired girl awake. Something about how it wasn’t good to go to sleep if there was the potential for a concussion. It didn’t make very much sense to her, but she hadn’t really been paying much attention. 

It probably hadn’t been very polite of her, now that she thought about it.  _ Perhaps I’m not a very polite sort of person… _

It was interesting in a way, all the wondering about who she was. The harder the girl thought, the less she could retrieve about herself. It was as if her head was an empty void and she a navigator lost in a cave. There was no light except for Lisa’s name, which refused to stop echoing around her head. The patient had attempted to recall anything more about the girl, but nothing else came to mind. At least the mean woman had confirmed that she was real. It would have been awfully disappointing if the only thing she could remember was a dream girl. 

“Miss Minato?” One of the nurses coughed to attract her attention. They kept calling her that. Miss Minato… it must have been her name, or at least part of it. The girl wished that she could say that it sounded right, but it didn’t have any meaning at all. Earlier, she had told the nice nurse that. He had told her not to worry about it, but he hadn’t been any more successful at lying that time. The girl wondered if she might be some sort of detective or something… she was quite good at telling when someone was lying to her.

… or perhaps he was just a particularly poor fibber. 

“Oh… um… yes?” She tried to shake herself out of her own head. This was particularly difficult, really, since it was hard to tell where her head stopped and the world began right now. “Did you need me to do something?” They had run a lot of tests. Asked a lot of questions. Apparently they had determined that she didn’t need some sort of emergency procedure. Her ankle hurt a bit and her body was sore when she lay in different spots, but otherwise, the doctors had said she was remarkably intact after what had happened. 

_ “What did happen…?” The girl had to admit that she was curious. All the doctors had told her was that she’d been involved in some sort of accident. Surely, there had to be more to it than that… right? But when she'd asked earlier, the doctors had simply exchanged a look that she didn't understand and told her not to trouble herself with the details.  _

Well. The young woman was troubled. Why wasn’t anyone telling her what was going on?

Then the door was swinging open… and there she was. 

Lisa.

But not the same Lisa from in her head. This one looked a little older. Her light-brown hair was shorter and tied into a ponytail, rather than left down. Her clothes were different, too. Less fashionable and more comfortable, although it probably would have been rude to point that out. It was rather early in the morning. The dark circles under Lisa’s eyes indicated that she hadn’t slept much as of late. 

… the girl in the bed thought she was the most beautiful person she'd ever seen. 

“Hello...” Her mouth moved before she was ready for it to, and apparently before Lisa was ready to be spoken to, as well. She started slightly, those wide, green eyes staring at the woman in the bed as if she had seen a ghost. Behind her, the mean woman from earlier watched the two of them like a hawk.  _ Why doesn’t she just go away?  _

There was a moment of silence as the two of them just stared at each other, before Lisa cleared her throat. “Um… hi…” The brunette rocked a bit on her feet, but didn’t move any closer to the bed. There was a tense atmosphere in the air that the patient didn’t understand. This wasn’t exactly how she’d spent the last few hours imagining that meeting Lisa would go. Of course, she knew it wasn’t… the first meeting, of course. But it would be the first meeting she could remember. She’d hoped for… 

Well, truthfully, she didn’t know. She couldn’t exactly recall what Lisa was to her… only that she had been holding her hand in the dark and that she felt like light.

Wordlessly, Lisa moved forwards and took a seat cautiously in the chair besides the hospital bed. She sat several inches away from the chair back, almost curled into herself slightly. It was sort of like… The girl in the bed giggled a bit. It seemed to surprise the brunette. “I’m sorry…” The giggling subsided. “You just look a bit like a cat when you sit like that… I didn’t mean to laugh…” 

Lisa’s green eyes were almost as hard to read as the angry woman’s had been, but they were so much… more, somehow. There was so much pain swimming in them that it made the injured woman hurt, too. She had the strange sense that she wanted to wipe the pain away, but Lisa didn’t seem very comfortable with her right now.  _ Did I do something wrong…?  _ She’d sure wondered that a lot lately. 

The girl looked at her hands, embarrassed about the cat comment. Maybe it had been the wrong thing to say. Twiddling her hands, she tried to think of something… anything else to say to stop the brunette from just staring at her with those sad eyes. 

“Umm…” The young woman started again, biting the corner of her lip and finding a cut there already. It must be a habit of hers, then. “Your name is Lisa, right…? Ah, I’m sorry…”  _ Stupid.  _ That probably was rude, too. She really wasn’t doing well here at all. “Um… my memory is a little… fuzzy, right now.” She tried for a wan smile. 

A nod, and the brunette seemed to suck in a breath before answering. “L… Lisa, yeah. Lisa Imai, if you, uh… need the full name. And, um… it’s alright. You don’t have to apologize for not remembering… I know there was… an accident.” 

That was good that she already knew. It saved her time to have to explain. It was also good that Lisa had been the right name. Lisa Imai… pretty. The patient in the bed rolled the name around her head a bit, seeing if it might bring something back, but it didn’t seem to call anything new to mind. “I see… um, thank you…” That wasn’t really the right response, but she was having trouble figuring out how to navigate the conversation with Lisa staring at her like she’d watched her die or something. Conversations seemed to make her nervous, too. She’d have to try to remember that. 

There was another pause. 

“... your name is Yukina. Yukina Minato… Hanamura-san said you might have trouble…………………… well, uh… yeah.” 

Hmm… that matched what the doctors had said. The girl, who was Yukina Minato apparently, nodded along. “That’s what they told me, too. It doesn’t really feel like… anything, right now, if I’m honest. It’s just another sound, sort of… like… um, ‘meow’ or something…” 

The tiniest hint of a smile played at the corner of Lisa’s face at that one. “Liking cats must be ingrained in your nature… that’s twice, now. Of all the things to remember…” She sounded a little wistful. 

Had that been two mentions of cats? Yukina hadn’t really noticed… “Umm… that’s nice, I think…! Um, cats, I mean. They’re nice… I think I like them.” She smiled more brightly at Lisa, who winced. Oh… that wasn’t right. She tried to fix it. “Umm… do you have a cat…?” 

Another pause. 

“Uh… yes. I guess so… she’s, uh…” Lisa seemed to be debating about how much she should say. This confused Yukina, a little. It hadn’t sounded like that complex a question when she’d asked it. “She’s a gray colored tabby. And… um.. she’s your cat.” 

… huh?

“My cat…?” Yukina cocked her head, confused. “You have a cat that’s… mine…? Why do you have her, then…? Do, um… we…?” 

Lisa exchanged a look with the angry lady, who had apparently entered the room behind Lisa and observed the conversation. The two of them seemed to be in some sort of deep mental discussion that Yukina couldn’t even hope to understand. It seemed rude to ask about it, so she just sat there patiently waiting for someone to answer the question. 

“... um…” Whatever the silent conversation had been about, Lisa did not appear to have won. She looked a bit deflated. “Well, she's there because… um…” 

The girl seemed to be on the verge of something. Something big. Yukina didn’t understand what she was wrestling with, but it felt… wrong… to watch her suffer like that. It just didn’t seem normal, which was ridiculous. Yukina Minato barely felt like her own name. The girl certainly didn’t know enough about anything to know what was normal for her at the current moment. And yet her heart hurt, watching her like that. 

Wordlessly, and because it seemed like the right thing to do, Yukina offered her hand to the brunette. She… didn’t really know what for, exactly. “Um… a… are you alright?” The lilac-haired young woman asked, attempting to sound as apologetic as she knew how. “If… um, I did something wrong, um…” 

_ Remember. Remember. Remember.  _

Yukina willed every part of herself to try to recall any sort of mistake she had made, anything she had done, but there was nothing there. Nothing absolute. There were only snippets of places she didn’t know the names of and people without faces. There was nothing in her brain to tell her what had happened between herself and the other girl… or even who they were to each other in the first place. And it hurt… why did it hurt? Nothing else had hurt like this… 

Lisa closed her eyes, deliberately avoiding looking at Yukina’s outstretched hand. That hurt a little, too… but maybe it had been the wrong thing to do. “I’m… fine. I’m just… sorry. I know you don’t remember anything. I’m..... k-kind of trying to process some things right now… I know you’re probably trying to do the same thing. It’s… um… just different. You’re different, I guess.” 

Had she been herself… wrong? 

“D-different…?” Yukina’s eyebrows furrowed. “Because I don’t remember? Um… I understand, I think.” The patient withdrew her hand, Lisa watching her retract it the whole time. “Um… maybe if you tell me what I’m usually like, I could… try to be better at it…?” 

The brunette frowned, lost in thought, and her eyes looked even sadder than before if that was even possible. “I don’t think I can do that, Yukina… it… wouldn’t, uh… be fair of me, I don’t think. It would just be me telling you how to be, wouldn’t it? It wouldn’t be real.” Another sigh. “It’s okay that you’re different. It’s… it’s been a bit since I’ve seen you, so maybe it doesn’t have to do with the accident, yeah?”

Yukina didn’t think Lisa was a very good liar, either, but she didn’t say anything. Her thumbs were twiddling again. 

“Um… here.” Lisa pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it with the passcode. She flipped through a few screens looking for something specific before turning the screen towards Lisa. It was a picture of a pretty, silver-colored cat with yellow eyes staring unflinchingly at the camera. The creature looked a little haughty, as if it was debating whether the photographer was worthy enough to take the picture. “Himari sent this to me a little bit ago… if you wanted to see it.” 

Yukina smiled at the cat. “... Saki… she’s pretty…” 

For the first time in the conversation, the ex-bassist cracked a small smile. “You… you remembered her name. That’s, um… great…!” 

The amnesiac wracked her brains. Had she…? Come to think of it, Lisa hadn’t told her the cat’s name. It was true, then. She must have remembered. That was good! Maybe it wasn’t going to be dark in her head forever. “Guess I did!” She chuckled. "Um, you still didn’t tell me why you have my cat, though.” 

Lisa stiffened. “Oh. Um… well… it’s because… you, uh, live with me. I… guess.” 

Even the angry woman seemed surprised at that one. She nodded, and then apparently decided to excuse herself from the room. Even before she had left, her cellphone was in her hand. Strange. Yukina decided not to worry about it. It seemed perfectly reasonable to her. Although, if it was so straight forward, the girl couldn’t help but wonder why Lisa hadn’t just said so in the first place. “Oh! Really? That’s… um… great…!” 

Another pause. “... yeah… um… s-so… I guess when they okay you to leave, um… I’ll come pick you up and take you… there. Then.” 

“Okay. That sounds… um, great…!” Yukina was trying so hard to keep this conversation cheerful, but something about forcing the sunshine into her tone felt wrong to her. Was that what Lisa meant, when she said that she was different than the brunette remembered? It made her head spin when she thought about it. It was awfully hard, being who you are without any sense of who you were. “Um… are you going now, then…?” Something about Lisa’s comment had sounded final for the moment.

As if grateful to have an excuse, the other girl stood. “Um, yeah… I should probably go set stuff up at… the apartment. Make sure that you’ll be comfortable there and… everything. Are you… um… okay? I mean, w-will you be okay here… by yourself, if I go for a little bit?” 

_ Promise you’ll come back, first.  _ “Yeah… I’ll be fine, I'm sure. You’ll, um… be back soon, though, right? To take me home?” 

Home.

The brunette nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be back as soon as the doctors say you can go home.”

That didn’t exactly reassure Yukina. What if it took the doctors ages to discharge her? What if they never did and she spent the rest of her life here, wasting away, waiting for the only person she remembered to remember her back? What if this was it, this was goodbye? The worry must have shown on her face, because Lisa continued. “Or… uh, I can come back sooner, if you’d like. I… we. Don’t live that far away, so… uh...” 

“Can you come back tomorrow…?” Yukina asked, more quickly than she should have. Her yellow eyes gazed hopefully at the other young woman. “If you’re not busy, I mean?” 

… 

“Yes… I’ll be b-back tomorrow, then.”    
  


This seemed to cheer Yukina up considerably. She settled backwards into her bed and rested, letting her eyes begin to droop close. The conversation had taken a lot out of her. Maybe it had been long enough that the doctors would let her get at least a little sleep. It had to be morning now, for sure… that probably wasn’t the best for her sleeping schedule, but at least it would be something. Besides, sleeping would make the hours until Lisa came back pass more quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, Lisa…”    
  
“Right.” The brunette nodded, even if the injured girl had closed her eyes. “Tomorrow, then.” 

…  _ forever, remember …  _ **Until Tomorrow. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I can't believe I really wrote a ten page chapter instead of the one page essay I was supposed to be writing for university. Whoops?
> 
> Genuinely, I didn't expect to be able to bang this one out so quickly, but I was honestly so excited to write Lisa and Yukina finally meeting that I basically did nothing else except write and eat for two days lol! I really liked writing the awkwardness that is this chapter (and getting second-hand embarrassment from it), and I really hope you guys will, too. 
> 
> Once again, thank you guys so much for your support of this story! You guys are amazing and you make my day for reading this and putting up with my angsty, gay rambling. This story has a special place in my heart, as do Yukina, Lisa, and all of Roselia, so I'm grateful to be able to write something that I love and share it with all of you guys! Thank you so much!
> 
> Remember to get a good night's sleep if you can, drink some water, and be kind to yourself! <3
> 
> ~ Paige


	6. 005. Like Holding Water in Your Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kokoro and Misaki's POV would have ideally happened earlier in the story, but there wasn't a good time for it until now! It happens as Lisa's in the hospital, but the rest of the chapter takes place after she's gotten back and filled everyone in on the news. Hopefully that's alright!
> 
> This could sort of be called an interlude, since it didn't feel right to just immediately jump to the next day and there's POVs from characters other than Yukina or Lisa, but since most of it took place in the present, I decided not to call it that. It also has a really important POV from Lisa at the end. I did want to say that it's not when they actually broke up, but just the first real fight they had! 
> 
> (I was so tired tonight that I didn't edit as well as I should have! I'll go back through in the morning!)

**005\. like holding water in your hands**

It wasn’t like Misaki to find herself unable to sleep. 

Call it a force of habit, but the rather overworked youth had become a  _ very _ overworked adult. Being engaged to Kokoro Tsurumaki was both relieving and the most stress inducing relationship of all time. It wasn’t as if either of them actually had to do any work; Kokoro’s family had enough money to support them through several lifetimes (or maybe just one wedding of the type her fiancée was currently attempting to put on). Still, it wasn’t as if Kokoro exactly ‘grew out’ of being the, in endearing terms, complete and utter dumbass that Misaki fell in love with. 

Generally speaking, however, it meant that sleep came easily to the girl. Night was usually the only time there was anything even close to quiet in their house, after all. Sometimes, of course, the zebra (don’t ask) could be heard clopping down the halls, but for the most part it was calm. 

Tonight hadn’t exactly been normal, however. 

Frustrated by the lack of ringing, Misaki once again picked her phone off the bedside table and checked for any messages she might have missed. The young woman groaned softly as there was nothing new, just as there hadn’t been when she’d checked about forty-five seconds earlier. 

The rusting on the other side of the covers alerted Misaki to Kokoro’s sudden presence over her shoulder. For someone so loud, the blonde could be unnervingly sneaking when she wanted to be… or even unintentionally. The brown-haired girl hadn’t even realized her girlfriend was awake until she was looking over her shoulder. 

The blonde gave a sleepy yawn, resting her chin on Misaki’s shoulder. “No word from Lisa yet?” 

“No… she texted us that she’d gone in like an hour ago… I would have thought she’d have been home by now, at least.” Misaki grumbled, angry on behalf of her friend. It was  _ so _ like Yukina to keep them waiting after all this time, too.  _ She always thought she was better than all of us… _

“She didn’t.” Kokoro planted a kiss on Misaki’s forehead softly, performing that creepy habit of almost reading minds of hers. Or maybe the other girl just wasn’t as good as she had thought about keeping the resentment off her face. “We were all friends back then and you know it!” 

Misaki shoved a pillow at her significant other. “I was never friends with Minato Yukina and you know it.” 

Unfortunately, no one had ever beat Miss Tsurumaki at a fight of this sort of nature. The pillow had been shoved back at Misaki before she had even gotten a chance to blink. “You’re so stubborn~!” Her soon-to-be wife giggled, rolling over in the bed so she was facing away from her. “Yukina’s made some mistakes, but she isn’t evil or anything, silly! Plus, the rules say it’s wrong to be mean to someone when they aren’t here, so I’m going to have to disqualify you from the competition. Try again next time~!” 

It was useless to ask what rules Kokoro was talking about, so Misaki, grumbling the whole time, let it be. Putting her phone face down on the bedside table, she pulled more of their blanket over to her side. An audible gasp was heard from Koko’s side, before the blankets were tugged- hard. Misaki felt herself tumbling over there, too, wrapped in the blankets and stopped only when she was nose to nose with her fiance. “You are unbelievable, sometimes.” The dark-haired girl’s tone was a little cross, but she was biting back a smile. 

“That’s why you love me~!” 

Dammit. She had her there… as always. 

* * *

“So…” The sleepy girl stretched and blinked those lazy eyes at her roommates as she reclined a bit further on the couch. “When she gets here, we get to, like, kill her, right~~” Although it was phrased like a question, Moca’s tone of voice sounded more like a warning than anything else. 

Lisa swatted her with the feather duster she was carrying. “No, we very much may  ** _not_ ** kill her, Moca. Thank you for your input.” The brunette and her actual roommate were currently attempting to sort through the large amount of boxes that had been delivered to their apartment seemingly instantly as soon as Hanamura had heard Lisa would host Yukina’s recovery. The speed had to be commended, but the organization skills of whoever had gotten these ready for the move left a lot to be desired. Most things looked as if they’d simply been hurled into boxes without any sense of theming. Opening them felt like the world’s worst game show; who’s ready to play “What did my ex buy after we split up?”.

Himari couldn’t help but glance at Lisa from time to time as the two of them (with very little help from Moca, it should be noted) sorted through boxes of Yukina’s stuff to figure out where a convincing place for things might be. Thankfully, Chisato and Aya had agreed to watch Saki for the day, so they didn’t have to worry about the cat smashing anything for the immediate moment, at least. The blonde hadn’t been thrilled about the arrangement by any sense of the word, but Aya had agreed happily. At this point in their relationship, it was basically the same thing. 

_ Yukina sure doesn’t have a lot of stuff for someone so famous… _ The pink-haired girl noted as she pried open a box someone had scribbled “winter” on the top in black sharpie. A lot of the clothes seemed… familiar, actually. Some of them she was pretty sure that Yukina had worn when she still lived around here. Strange, really. Yukina was famous in almost every continent at this point. Her picture was probably millions of teens’ lock screen for their phone. It wasn’t as if she had to keep any outfit with how much she was raking in each performance. The lilac-haired celebrity probably could have thrown her clothes away after each appearance or sold them for bidding frenzies. 

Something about her keeping them made Himari feel almost… warmer, though. It was stupid, really, but it made the bassist feel better about Yukina coming to live with them. 

_ Maybe she’s holding onto the past just like Lisa is.  _

Himari had never told Lisa that she knew there was a part of her (a rather large part, she’d wager) that wanted Yukina back. Well, that wasn’t quite right. Lisa wasn’t a person who pined after an ex. But Minato-san had been so much more than that for Lisa. It was like her whole world had been that lilac-haired girl and Roselia, to an extent. Himari and Lisa hadn’t been as close as they were now in high school, but it wasn’t as if anyone could miss such a romance. The two of them… they had been like a hurricane. Destructive, but in a beautiful sort of way. They both had so much passion, Yukina for her music and Lisa for love… 

Himari had always considered herself something of a hopeless romantic. She was an expert on all things fairytale and swoon-worthy. Lisa and Yukina’s story was so much more than a girl-next-door sort of romance, though. The pinkette thought that might have been their downfall. People wanted their love to be perfect and easy. It seemed like it should have been. They paired so well against each other and always seemed to bring out the best. Yukina drove Lisa to be more focused, and the brunette made her girlfriend kinder, less cut-throat. 

But there must have been bad days, too, and it must have hurt that none of the rest of them helped. Himari included. They had all been stupid and young… they hadn’t known that things needed fixing, needed saving. They didn’t know that you couldn’t hold onto everything. They hadn’t hadn’t known that sometimes, you have to let go… 

“Aww…” The silver-haired girl on the couch groaned playfully. “How about just a fist fight, then? It seems only fair… after all, I am a resident of this apartment, too~~!” 

“You don’t  _ live  _ ** _here!_ ** ” Both Himari and Lisa snapped in unison, which only proceeded to make Moca chuckle.

There weren’t many things that Himari was an expert in. She tended to be distractible and clueless and a little bit naive. Even in their youth, she’d always been something of the flighty one. People like Tsugu and Lisa… they were realists. They kept their feet on the ground and their eyes ahead, and they didn’t let the world knock them off their balance. The pink-haired bassist had never been like that. The world always seemed to catch her off guard, and her thoughts ran away with her. There were bad things in the world, sure, but there was also so much good. Himari had grown up, yes, but she still wanted to believe in happy endings. She wanted to believe that people like her and Lisa and even Yukina Minato could have happy endings… even if she knew it was foolish.

No, Himari wasn’t an expert at much. But, you didn’t have to be an expert to know that what was going to happen next was going to be quite something, for sure.

_ Please don’t let it end badly. Please, please, please.  _ Himari wasn’t exactly a spiritual person, but offering a few prayers upwards at a time like this sure couldn’t hurt.  _ Please let Yukina get better and go back to who she was and fall back in love with Lisa, but make it better this time. Make it all better, please, because I think they deserve a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Well… Lisa deserves one, at least. If she wants one. And she does. Want one, I mean. She might not admit it, of course, but she does... _

  
  


“Alright, alright…” Moca held up her hands, smirk playing around her face as always. “Just one punch, then…” Himari threw the towel she was holding at the girl on the couch, muffling the sound of her laughter. 

_ And please, if anyone’s up there…  _ The bassist clasped her hands together briefly before continuing to empty the box of Yukina’s belongings.  _ Please don’t let Moca murder anyone.  _

* * *

The young woman’s fingers wrapped tightly around her reusable cup as she sat in the booth at her usual coffee shop. If she was honest, even all these years later, Ako wasn’t truly fond of the taste of coffee. She would have preferred to order a hot chocolate, but there wasn’t a good way to do that without having to tell a barista that she wasn’t enough of an adult to want coffee. 

Ordering anything was hard enough these days. 

The purple-haired girl wasn’t used to taking a seat at the table. Although she was something of a regular here, Ako almost always took her order to-go. It felt nice to have something warm to walk back to her dorm with. Besides, no matter how often she tried to convince herself that she wasn’t taking up space another customer could use, the doubts came back. Better to go back to her own corner of the world and leave the seat open, most of the time. 

She would have preferred to do that today, too. The drummer hadn’t been having a very good morning. As hard as she’d tried on her last exam, she still hadn’t gotten her grade up high enough to pass. Her professor had tried to be kind when he passed it back to her, but she could tell that they both knew Ako wasn’t cut out for being a music major. There was too much turbulence for her liking. It would have been perfect for when she was younger, when the world didn’t move fast enough for her. Now, it was if she was trapped in place, with the world spinning so quickly around her that all she could do was hold on. 

She didn’t enjoy studying it… but giving that up would have felt like the end. The finale. Ako still wasn’t ready for that. 

Was it silly? Probably. The drummer knew that her friends were probably concerned about the decisions she’d made, lately. It was one thing for Sayo to continue working at her guitar skills even after the band had split up. That was a decision people respected, even if some people didn’t exactly understand. Sayo had always been better at technicalities than Ako had been, though, and college was all about those. It wasn’t fair… she could play the drums, she could… it was just… she still couldn’t read the sheet music as fast everyone else could. 

The stage fright didn’t help, either. 

Ako hadn’t really noticed until she’d been auditioning to get into the program in the first place. It had been the first time she’d played in front of an audience that wasn’t Tomoe for at least a year after Roselia split up. Sure, Ako had been upset… and people told her that she had changed, a bit (mainly, they just whispered it when they thought she couldn’t hear. She heard). But playing in front of all those people at the audition… it had shaken her. She fumbled the sticks almost instantly and then bolted out of the room. The only way she’d made the wait list was because of her old tapes, and even then, Ako’d had to wait for several people to drop out before she could join. The professors had been as accommodating as they could be, but it was like everything froze when she stepped onto stage. Nothing was there, no matter how hard she’d worked to remember it. Tomoe and her friends had attempted every counseling technique they could to get her out of what Moca called “an awful funk”, but the purple-haired girl couldn’t seem to shake it. 

It was around that point she’d dropped her false personality bit, too. 

Pretending to be someone else (someone better) was too much when she was already fibbing her way through college. The less she stood out there, the less people could trace her past back to her. Ako knew running away from her problems wasn’t a way to cope experts recommended, but it was all she knew. She’d been young in Roselia, not stupid. The drummer had seen the weight of the world catch up to all the other members. She felt it on her shoulders, even now… but she refused to let it pull her down even further than it had. She couldn’t stop running, couldn’t stay in place, couldn’t be stagnant and watch herself drown. 

Ako could have been a gifted actress at this point if she hadn’t been so afraid. She knew exactly what to show to everyone to get them to stop asking questions. Off the rails with Rinko, so that her once best friend wouldn’t come close enough that Ako could see the disappointment in her eyes. The drummer knew that Rinko felt guilty, despite the fact that none of this could be blamed on her. Her friend had always felt guilty. If Ako hadn’t been young and blind in their youth, maybe they could have worked through that together. But it had been too much for a fourteen-year-old, and even now, the thought of trying to talk through all of their issues sent Ako shaking. There was so much she had done wrong, back then… 

_ That’s not quite it, Ako... _

_ Focus, Udagawa-san _ ** _. _ **

_ Again, so that we can fix the drum part, please.  _

It hadn’t hurt then. All their words. It was true that she’d probably been the most inexperienced at some points. She’d certainly always been the worst at sight reading. It had held her back at rehearsal then and the words from the past echoed around her future. Was there a world where she was enough for them? 

It hurt now, though. 

Ako sank into her seat a little lower, hands clutching the coffee more tightly to pretend they weren’t shaking. She hadn’t eaten much today, because the idea of this meeting had been eating at her. The girl wasn’t really sure why she was so nervous. It wasn’t like a test or performance. 

But in some ways, everything felt like a performance now. Everything felt like there was someone watching her, waiting for her to fall. 

It was like that now, too, with the way the coffee shop seemed to be set up. No matter how far Ako scrunched herself down into the booth, she couldn’t avoid the eye contact of the other patrons. A girl as small as her (because her growth spurt hadn’t given her more than a few inches) attracted attention in a college town. People always tended to assume she was younger than she was, and she forced her gaze to stay on her coffee cup. Don’t engage. Don’t interact. 

The chime on the coffee shop door tinkled, announcing the presence of a newcomer to the other customers. Ako made sure not to look up, not to stare, even as she heard the footsteps approaching her table. 

Until she heard the chair in front of her being pulled out. 

“Hey! Ako! It’s so good to see you!” When Ako lifted her head, the brunette was settling into her seat. Apparently foregoing or forgetting to order anything, Tsugu adjusted her skirt easily, making sure that it didn’t crease. Not much about her style had changed in the last several years. Her hair was a little bit longer and tied back in a loose braid, but the only other show of time’s progression was that she’d grown a few inches since high school. 

“Hi Tsugu…!” Ako attempted to force as much cheer into her voice as possible. “How are you doing?” 

Tsugumi was a godsend in so many ways. She was sweet and easy to talk to, and never pried like Ako’s other friends might have. The lilac-haired girl was pretty sure that she was recruited by everyone else to attempt to get information out of Ako about her mental state, but at least the brunette was discreet about it. Rinko always had that guilty expression on her face when they saw each other, as if she was constantly expecting her younger friend to have a breakdown. 

Well, Ako was just fine, thank you very much. 

_ You don’t even believe that. How do you expect them to accept a lie that you can’t even pretend to believe?  _

She was fine. She had to be fine.  <strike> Some days, it felt like she was dying. </strike> Everything was totally fine! 

“I’m pretty good!” Tsugu was talking animatedly, retelling an antidote that she’d told Ako the last time she had seen her. Ako didn’t correct her. The more time someone else was talking, the more she had to calm her own nerves. She’d learned to be very selective with what she said these days. Talking about what was really happening was out, obviously, but pretending everything was peachy didn’t work, either. There had to be some mix to the lies she told. That’s what made people leave her alone. So, Ako could say that she failed a test, but then she had to invent a new boyfriend or girlfriend. You always had to leave them with a mixture of hurt and healing, really. 

Just enough pity to remember you exist. Just enough pride to believe that you’re fine. 

“... but I’ve gone on about myself enough!” Tsugu finished her story, leaving Ako wincing briefly at the fact that she’d missed the whole thing. Even if she’d heard it before, it still didn’t sit right to drift off like that. It was just… there’d always been too many thoughts in Ako’s head. It was like driving but with no signposts. She usually arrived at the destination that she was supposed to be, but she couldn’t be sure of where she was going, of what she needed to pay attention to. Taking a wrong turn and forgetting could mean getting lost, and no one liked that. “What’s new with you?” Tsugu’s smile dropped a bit, as if she was remembering something. “Did you hear about Minato-san?” 

This did shake Ako. “Minat…” Her brow furrowed. “Yukina? What about her…? Is she having a concert here or something?” 

At this, the brunette frowned. Clearly, the information that she knew had been something that she’d expected Ako to have heard already. Tsugu wasn’t a gossip, but she wasn’t always good at remembering what things were universal. “Ah, sorry! I would have thought Lisa might have told you, but then… she’s probably really busy. I only just heard about it a couple minutes before I came here, really. Himari called me. Apparently…” It wasn’t a good sign when the unflappable Tsugumi Hazawa was phased. The lilac-haired girl braced herself for what might happen next. 

“Well, apparently… um…. I mean, according to Mari,” The brunette hummed and hawed her way through the details of the accident, adding that Lisa was, for whatever reason, allowing Yukina to come back with her. 

By the time Tsugumi had finished recounting the news, Ako was shaking. She wrapped her hands tightly around her coffee cup, as if feigning that she was cold would be able to convince her friend that she didn’t care. It was too much, though. The news. It was all too much. She didn’t know what to think. Yukina… who had been her friend, her idol… hurt. Badly hurt, too, if the story was right. Yukina without her memories and… here. Ako lived the closest to Lisa and Himari’s apartment out of anyone else in Roselia, at least. Rinko lived a town or two over at a different university, and Sayo was currently in New York. The thought terrified the girl. What if Lisa needed help? What if something went wrong, and the only one there was her? 

What if she messed everything up again? 

“Ako…?” Tsugu waved a hand slowly in front of her face, causing the purple-haired girl to jump. Apparently, she’d spaced out and missed a question. The brunette gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I know it’s a lot to take it. I just asked if you thought you might want to see her. I know you don’t have a car at the dorms, but I’d be happy to drive you any time I’m out of work! I’m sure Lisa would do it, but I wouldn’t want to stress her out any more, you know?” 

Her? See Yukina? Ako almost let out a laugh, but she held back the bitterness. She couldn’t exactly imagine a scenario where that would be welcome. None of them had parted on good terms. Even if you erased the slate… someone like Yukina wouldn’t want to be around people like Ako. The student remembered exactly how much she’d had to beg to audition, how hard she’d had to work to gain the singer’s respect. No matter how good the drummer had been, it had never quite been enough. None of them had ever been enough for Yukina Minato. 

If they had been, maybe she wouldn’t have wanted to leave.

Tsugu reached across the table to touch Ako’s hand, but she removed it. She didn’t need the other woman’s sympathy. There was nothing wrong, nothing to be sorry for. Everything was fine! Everything had, had to be fine. “Ako…?” 

“No thanks, Tsugu… Thank you, but… I don’t think I need to see her. I wouldn’t know what to say... ” Ako stood up, stretching as if to indicate progress needing to be made. Class started soon, and she liked to be early. If she wasn’t good, at least the girl was punctual. That had to count for something, right? 

Everything was fine. <strike>Stop asking.</strike>

* * *

Chisato had never really noticed the parallels between Saki and her old owner until she was tasked with attempting to watch her while the rest of their little group set up the apartment. 

As much as she had repeatedly pointed out that she was in no way qualified for pet sitting, Aya had insisted and… well… alright, it was just as hard for Chisato to turn down Aya now as it had been when they were younger. 

Yukina and Saki even looked alike, the blonde thought bitterly as she watched the cat stare at those with those sharp, yellow eyes. It wasn’t typical for animals not to like her, but cats had always been something of an exception. The idol much preferred dogs, who loved you unflappably. Cats were too… finicky, for her. They never told you what they wanted and they always acted as if nothing was quite good enough. In a way, maybe Chisato didn’t like them because they were too similar to herself.

Yukina… 

Chisato would never tell Lisa, but she didn’t think she was as mad at Yukina as everyone else was. Of course, her behavior hadn’t been… ideal… but the blonde knew a great deal more about the limelight than some of the others did. She understood Yukina, in many ways. Being wanted was an addicting feeling… the chance to be loved by so many people. To people like Yukina and Chisato who always felt the need to be perfect… well, it made sense. 

Of course, that was not a thought meant to invalidate Lisa’s feelings. Chisa could only imagine how hard it would have been to watch your girlfriend slip away. It had been hard enough to see Kaoru change over the years, and her feelings for her friend had always been decidedly less romantically included than the other two’s. During high school, Chisato hadn’t known either Lisa or Yukina that well. The fact they were friends now was an unexpected (although by no means unwelcome) surprise to the blonde. It was interesting to her, really. The way things changed. Most of the bands she’d known hadn’t ended nearly as badly as Roselia’s breakup had been. PasePure’s certainly wasn’t. Then again, it hadn’t exactly been by choice. The idol business was never a place that kept you around for long. 

Still, in some ways, Chisato was grateful for the agency’s actions. It meant that none of them had to choose to leave. The five of them had the shortest run, really, only lasting about halfway through her final year of school… but honestly? In some ways, it was a relief. She’d been in show business all her life. It had been something of a break when she’d been able to step out of the limelight. 

And, of course, the young woman smiled softly as she watched her girlfriend attempt to get Saki to stay on her lap, there was Aya…

Chisato had loved Aya for a lot longer than she thought the other girl might realize. She’d spent the whole time in the band with that stupid crush of hers, unwilling to act upon it in such a cutthroat environment. Really, the few times she’d actually interacted with either Yukina or Lisa in high school had been tainted by jealousy. The two of them had been so obviously in love that it made her sick, sometimes. For several years, they’d had the kind of romance that you read about in books (although, the young woman had to say to save her pride, not the kind she liked to read). 

Chisato and Aya didn’t have that kind of romance, and there was always something bittersweet about that. She wanted, of course. But the stage wasn’t a place for relationships. Maya and Eve were the exception, but that was mainly because neither one of them cared what anyone else thought about them except for each other. Even so, Chisa had stressed about them constantly. 

The world was not always a good place… and it broke a lot of things that could have been beautiful. 

“Look!” Aya was beaming, red in the face with pride as she cooed to the cat. Saki had apparently decided that sitting on the pink girl’s lap was preferable to being chased. “She likes me~!” 

Judging by the look on the cat’s face, she very much did not like Aya, but Chisato was not going to be the one to break that news to her girlfriend. It had been almost seven years of being around the pink-haired girl, now. If the bassist had learned anything in that time, it was that it was always better not to fluster the other girl. Show business had been hard on Aya. Really, most things were hard on her. That was what Chisato found so wonderful about her. She was sensitive in a way that made her lovely to behold, really. Aya noticed things, cared about things, that the blonde wouldn’t have even seen. She’d always been that way. 

It was a gift, but it came at a cost. It had taken Aya years to recover from the fact that their band hadn’t continued being successful. She chased fame without knowing what it would do to her. That’s why Chisato had eventually decided to confess her feelings. 

The limelight wasn’t good for Aya… but Chisa really hoped that she could learn to be. 

“Cute…” The blonde whispered, moving over to grab her phone. She knew that her girlfriend would want a recording of this moment.  _ Not that Leon doesn’t already adore her or anything _ , Chisato inwardly rolled her eyes. They had never seen eye-to-eye on the whole cat versus dog debate. At this point in their relationship, she’d given up trying to convince Aya to see the light. Leon was just starting to his age, but the golden retriever still had endless energy. At least the pink-haired girl was willing to put up with all his shedding in their apartment. “Say cheese~!” Chisato teased, holding up the camera to capture the moment. 

Aya beamed in her direction, posing for the picture before immediately scooping up the cat and plopping her into Chisato’s unexpecting arms. “Your turn! I want a picture of you and Saki for my home screen!” She giggled, taking her girlfriend’s phone. 

“Mreeowwww…” The blonde was no expert on cats, but that didn’t sound like a happy sort of meow. Chisato sent a silent prayer as she seated herself on the couch and tolerated Aya's endless photo ideas, that Lisa would take Saki back before the creature could kill either of them in her sleep. Judging by the anger behind those yellow eyes, they were rapidly running out of time. 

Aya, as usual, noticed nothing. 

But besides the cat, though, life was good. And the cat was (much to her girlfriend’s dismay) temporary. Chisato just really hoped Yukina Minato’s entrance didn’t change that…

… for anyone… 

* * *

The second bed shoved into Lisa’s room wasn’t exactly doing anything to calm her nerves. 

The brunette had protested (rather weakly) that she could switch her stuff into Himari’s room and share with her, but that would have left Moca with unhindered access to Yukina… and the ex-bassist was frankly not sure how much of that girl’s strange threats were ever a joke. Himari and Yukina were also out as a rooming situation, since the pink-haired girl was bound to slip up in the lie approximately fourteen seconds into the arrangement. Himari was many things, but she was not incredibly good at improvising under pressure. 

Once again, that left Lisa and Yukina together. 

Lisa wasn’t sure if she believed in a cosmic power or not, but she had to admit that the universe did appear to be speaking to her. It was practically screaming, at this point.  _ The universe could stand to be a little less direct, _ she grumbled as she made her bed. It was late in the afternoon at this point, but she’d only just woken up from a nap. It wasn’t exactly what anyone would call restful, but it would have to do. There were still things to be done to make sure this looked convincing enough. 

Honestly… Lisa didn’t really know why she hadn’t told Yukina the truth. 

Tsukiko might have killed her if she was too direct about who Yukina really was to the world and spoked the celebrity, but she doubted the agent would have cared if Lisa had simply admitted that they were ex’s. It would have been so much easier, too, than trying to play this charade. There wasn’t a good outcome that she could see here. The two options had equally poor results. The far more likely result was that Yukina would steadily recover her memories and go back to being… whoever she was now. Lisa hadn’t let herself follow any of the media surrounding her ex after the split. It would have been counterproductive. For all she knew, the girl she’d met at the hospital today was who Yukina was now. 

Although, judging at the surprise of everyone else in the room, Lisa would have put money on the fact it probably wasn’t. 

She leaned backwards on her bed, stretched up on her back and staring up at the ceiling. It had been so unnerving, that visit. Yukina hadn’t always been as cold as the world had made her, but she’d never been placid and sweet like that. The girl that Lisa had loved stood up for herself and didn’t let anyone play her for a fool. Yukina could drive her crazy with her perfectionistic tendencies and her stubbornness, but that’s who she had wanted. That Yukina. 

Her Yukina. 

The girl in that hospital bed hadn’t felt like her at all. She was too… open. Tsuki wouldn’t have had to tell her about that girl asking for her. It was pretty clear from her lovestruck expression that she had thought there was something… more… between them. The way she had looked at Lisa, offered to hold her hand, apologized so often… it wasn’t right. People pleasing was what Lisa did, not people like Yukina Minato. 

The bassist ran a hand through her long hair, wanting nothing more than to curl up and not have to deal with this. 

It had been hard to agree to Hanamura’s suggestion, knowing that she would be opening her life back to a time where Yukina was in it. But it would have been harder to take out her anger for so long ago on a girl who hadn’t even known her own name. It was like the universe was playing some sick, twisted game. There weren’t any right answers here.

Over the years, Lisa had learned that it was a constant struggle to choose kindness. A lot of people thought that she picked it a bit too often. Sayo had warned her once, a few months after the breakup, that her heart would be the end of her.  _ “You don’t think with your head, Imai-san, like you’re supposed to. You use your heart to make decisions, and that’s why it breaks so much.”  _

She hadn’t exactly been wrong… but Lisa didn’t want to believe that was a bad thing. It wasn’t good to be stepped upon, she knew, but it was in her nature to make people happy. Or, at least, to prevent people from being sad. And Yukina… 

… Yukina had always seemed to be the one person that she couldn’t keep from being upset.

As hard as Lisa had tried, her problems had always been too big. They weren’t the kind of things that a child knew how to fix, but it hadn’t stopped Lisa from trying over and over again. Maybe that had been the problem, in so many ways. Yukina had always wanted to be enough for the world, but Lisa had only ever cared about being enough for her. 

_ “Yuki…” There was the tap on the window as Lisa stood out on the ledge that almost connected to two houses to each other. “Can you let me in, please…?” The seventeen-year-old hadn’t seen her girlfriend in a few days, and none of her messages had been returned. She’d tried the front door, but Yukina’s father had simply shaken his head sadly and told her that his daughter wasn’t coming out.  _

_ There was no response from inside the room, but she could hear the music playing. Yukina was in there, but she was either too focused or too upset to let Lisa in.  _

_ Well, don’t say she hadn’t tried the knocking approach.  _

_ Thankfully, the lilac-haired girl never locked her window, so it was fairly easy to slide the frame backwards and crawl inside. After years of communicating this way, she’d had plenty of practice sticking the landing. Lisa pushed her way through, not entirely knowing what to expect, only to find her friend curled up under the covers of her bed.  _

_ It struck the brunette for the first time just how small Yukina was when she was alone. When Lisa watched her onstage, it seemed like the lilac-haired girl was larger than life. With the glare of the spotlights and the noise of the drum, it was hard to remember sometimes that her girlfriend was a real person, and not just the image she projected on everyone else.  _

_ “Yukina…?” Lisa kept her voice gentle on the off chance she hadn’t noticed the brunette clambering through the window. “Yuki… please… can we talk…?” _

_ The other girl only burrowed herself farther under the covers in response.  _

_ The bassist didn’t know what to do. Yukina was often irrational, and Lisa knew that she had a tendency to crash after shows, but this didn’t feel like it usually did. Typically, they did their routine of Yukina being grumpy and demanding more practices until Lisa could show her a cute cat or take her to a cafe and shake her out of her funk.  _

_ Yukina was often too much for the world… but the girl lying there crying didn’t seem like she wanted to be anything at all.  _

_ So Lisa had to try harder. She always did. There wasn’t ever time to think with things like this. The brunette would always rush in and save the day, because what if no one else did? If she didn’t help Yukina, make it her job to lift her back up, who would? “Yuki…. please. Just look at me, okay? I want to help.” _

_ “Go away, Lisa.” The girl’s voice was muffled from under the blankets, but it was full of a biting tone. It made the taller girl take a step back, black flats knocking into the window seat. “Just… go away.”  _

_ “Yukina, please…” Lisa’s voice didn’t sound as strong as she needed it to be. She needed it to be full, confident, enough. She needed to be enough. The brunette didn’t know what was wrong here, what had gone wrong. Only that she needed to fix it. Otherwise, it would just get worse and worse until it broke for good. Glass could only shatter so much until you couldn’t put the pieces back together anymore.  _

_ But loving Yukina Minato had always been like pouring water into your cupped hands. No matter how the love the taller girl showered her with, it was never enough to fill her up. Some of it always slipped away, and when it did, the fear came back. Lisa knew that Yukina was terrified of people leaving her. The singer had never told her this, but you didn’t have to be an expert on people to notice it in her.  _

If only she’d known then what people who were afraid of loss were willing to do. If only she’d known that Yukina would rather leave than wait on the possibility of being left. 

_ “Yukina, please… please.” Lisa begged. Sometimes, it felt like all she did was beg. Barter. Plead. Try. Why didn’t it make a difference, then? The brunette was trying to help, she was trying, alright, she was  _ ** _trying_ ** _ .  _

_ So why didn’t it ever matter?  _

_ Yukina was still under the covers. “Please, Yuki… can you at least tell me what this is about? Did something happen? Did I do something…?” What are you holding onto, Lisa?  _

_ There was a pause, and then Yukina finally sat up. The covers fell away to reveal gray-hair that was uncharacteristically disheveled, as if she’d been under the covers for several days. There were dark circles under her eyes that clashed with how red they were. She’d been crying, obviously. Lisa didn’t like it. She didn’t like any of this. She wanted (needed, needed, needed) to fix it. To make it better. Please, let her make it better.  _

_ “I told you I didn’t want to talk to you, Lisa. I told you to go away.” Her voice was so biting, but it was somehow… empty. Usually, when the singer was mad, it was over something she was passionate about. Ako missing a count or a song that she was struggling to write. Lisa liked the fire in Yuki’s eyes when she fought for what she wanted, what she believed in. She liked the fire, because it made her feel warm, too.  _

_ Lisa didn’t feel warm right now, though. Gazing into those golden eyes void of their familiar spark, the brunette thought this might be what it was like to drown. “Don’t make me go, Yuki… please let me stay. Let me help fix this…” How silly it was to beg for something like this. To plead to be able help. It wasn’t right. She knew it wasn’t right, knew that love shouldn’t feel like this.  _

_ But she pleaded, anyway. Pleaded to be let in. It was all Lisa knew how to do.  _

_ Yukina blinked very slowly in her girlfriend’s direction, as if suddenly seeing her for the first time.  _ _ Is it enough? _ _ “Why do you always have to save everything?” She asked, in that calm, empty voice of hers. Lisa hated it. She hated the emptiness. She wanted Yukina to yell, to scream at her for some reason. Even if there wasn’t one. There didn’t have to be, as long as her girlfriend didn’t keep looking at her like she was staring at a stranger. Lisa would rather burn herself in the flames than have to watch them kindle down to ashes. _

_ “Why do you always have to save things, Lisa?” Yukina asked again.  _ It felt like everything was breaking apart; it felt like nothing was left at all. _ “Why don’t you ever just let them go?” _

In her head, it was the same. Over and over again. Lisa wasn’t really sure it had ever stopped. She tried screaming at Yukina, telling her how she felt, what she wanted. How she needed her to stay, to look at her, to love her. But in her mind, no matter how hard the brunette had tried, she couldn’t get Yukina to yell back. The gray-haired girl just stared at her with empty eyes, and Lisa knew that something had shattered in them that couldn’t be glued back together. 

And it hurt, alright? Sometimes, it fucking… it fucking hurt that Lisa couldn’t fix it. (If she could just fix it… if she had just put it back together…)

Why was it so important to Yukina? Fame? Why had it mattered so much to her? _ _

Lisa felt like screaming, but there was no one in this room. It was just her, surrounded by the ghost of what she’d had and the remains of what it had become. It was just her, Lisa, but it had always just been her. The young woman had been the constant, the only constant, throughout both of their entire lives. Yukina had never, never been there for Lisa the same way she had been for the gray-haired girl. And that was fine, because she didn’t care! She didn’t need someone who was always there to support her! She had never expected Yuki to play that role.

Why hadn’t anything she’d done mattered? All that work? All that attention? All her love? Why hadn’t it ended better, why hadn’t it ended at all? 

… why hadn’t she been enough for Yukina...? 

_ Shit- _

In her anger, Lisa had accidentally gripped the poster she’d been holding too tightly. The edge had torn, leaving a rip down the top of the paper. It wasn’t a large one, though. Nothing some tape wouldn’t fix. Himari usually kept some in the office, next to her overflowing set of stationary. No one would see the tear when it was hanging on the wall, anyway. 

_ Why do you always have to save things, Lisa? Why don’t you ever just let them go? _

…..

“... why didn’t you fight harder…?” It took a moment for her to recognize her own voice, her own thoughts. They were the type of thing that she’d suppressed for so long, because it felt selfish to admit them, even to herself. Lisa had always been the kind of person to be walked on, really. It was fine. Except, it wasn’t. Not really.

It wasn’t fine at all, actually. 

Lisa wasn’t sure she’d been fine for a very long time. 

“Why didn’t you try? You didn’t even try…” She whispered. (The room ignored her. It was just a room.)

There she was, talking to someone who wasn’t there. To the girl who didn’t even know her waiting in a hospital miles down the road. Had anything changed really, though? Had Yukina Minato ever really known her like this? It was unlikely. This was a side of herself that she kept hidden behind layers of walls, refused to show even her closest friends. Lisa wasn’t even sure why, really. It was just something she’d always done. She dealt better with her problems by herself, she’d once told her therapist. The other woman hadn’t looked as if she’d much believed her, but she had been polite enough not to call the brunette on it directly in the appointment. 

Yukina hadn’t known. Not then, and certainly not now. 

_ Why do you always have to save things, Lisa? _

_Why _**_don’t _**_you!?_ Lisa had wanted to scream, but she hadn’t. (She never did.) _Why don’t you fight for the people you love, Yukina? Why are you so willing to fight for your dreams and never for me? Why do all these strangers in a crowd matter more to you than I do? _

“Why…” Her cheeks were wet. The bassist raised a hand to her face and felt the tears dripping down. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. “Why…”

There were so many questions to ask to a girl who now had none of the answers. Lisa didn’t know if this was better or not. Meeting again this way. The girl in that hospital bed today hadn’t been Yukina. Not the same one that lived in Lisa’s head, her heart. 

There had been so much left to say… and now, Lisa knew she might not get the chance. There was a distinct possibility that Yukina’s memories might never come back. Head injuries were complicated, difficult to predict. She could remember everything tomorrow, or she could go her whole life without them. As much as Lisa was angry, she didn’t want that to happen. Being famous meant the world demanded more of you than it deserved. Just being alive, really, meant that. 

What would the world take from you when you had nothing left to give? 

“Why… why did you let them take you, Yuki…?” Lisa whispered, curling her arms around her knees on the bed. “Why did you let them take you away from me…? Why didn’t you fight to come back? Why didn’t you try harder to take me with you?” The tears fell hard and fast, but she didn’t bother wiping them away. There wasn’t anyone here to see, after all. There wasn’t anyone here to know.

It made her dizzy, how many things that Yukina still owned that Lisa recognized. She didn’t like that. In the beginning, all she had wanted was her girlfriend back. But after a while, when the sadness had melted and left anger burning inside her, then she wanted Yukina to change. Even if Lisa wasn’t there. Even if Lisa wouldn’t truly know. She had wanted fame to catch up to her and the girl she knew to vanish, disappear into a different personality crafted for the cameras. If Yukina had changed, if she had wanted something else the whole time, then it wouldn’t have been Lisa’s fault. It would have been a difference in lives, in wants, in needs. It would have been inevitable. 

But she hadn’t, judging by her possessions. She hadn’t changed in the end. 

…

“If this had been enough for you…” Lisa gestured to no one ( <strike>to the ghosts who watched, who knew</strike>) at her ex’s things, boxes of familiar clothes and furniture that now were scattered around her room as if they belonged there, “If… i-if this had been enough for you th… the whole time…” 

…  _ then why didn’t you stay…? _

No one answered. 

(Lisa didn’t know why she’d been expecting someone to.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> Happy holidays to anyone who might be celebrating now and belated holiday wishes to anyone who might have been earlier in the month! I hope everyone's having a good week regardless. I was hoping to get this update out a little bit earlier, but I ended up being swarmed with finals week at university. Thankfully, your girl passed everything with a good score and I'm off till February, so I'm hoping to get updates out a little bit faster if I can. There's been such an incredible amount of support for this story and I'm touched at how much love that this little project of mine has received! This is my first ever multi-chaptered fic and it makes me so happy to know people are enjoying reading it!! 
> 
> Hahaha... well, enjoying this chapter might be a strong word... I tried to include some happier moments with Chisato and Misaki to balance out, but Lisa's POV was definitely the hardest thing I've written so far. Yukina and Lisa have such an interesting, complicated dynamic in the game, and I really hope I'm portraying it well! Childhood loves have always been a favorite trope of mine, so it's super interesting to write about one that didn't end up like a fairy tale... so far ;) 
> 
> Also, I realized that I haven't been putting any way of keeping in touch with me or chat about the story for anyone who might have wanted to (or yell at me when I go MIA for like three months haha). You'll probably put up with wayyy too much musical theater reblogs haha, by my tumblr is @moxy-by-proxy if anyone was interested in getting story updates and previews for upcoming chapters! 
> 
> I'll also post the story's playlist on there when I finalize it, but I'll try to put it here too if AO3 doesn't eat my links!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading again! As always, make sure to drink some water, get some rest (it's late when I'm posting this so I'll be heading to bed too!), and take a deep breath! You've got this! 
> 
> ~ Paige <3

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so, so much for reading!! i hope you stick with me!  
~ paige


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